I stopped drinking in October of last year. 

I did it as an experiment to see how it was affecting my health and found my quality of life has definitely improved. My migraines have all but ended and my digestion is stellar. I’m clearer headed and less “down” although my sleep isn’t much different.

Initially I was a bit uncomfortable navigating nights out with friends, or even nights in while everyone else had a glass of wine. 

I will admit there have been a few times I’ve felt a bit of a craving and the other night was one of them.

We had been in a social setting for a few days with little alone time. My sleep schedule was knocked off and I was definitely beginning to feel the effects. I was happy to participate in everything happening and connecting. I was actively choosing to be present over prioritizing my personal well-being. There was a purpose and intention behind my choices and actions.

I knew this limited time frame was a gift and in the same aspect, I was draining my reserves.

On the last night, I found I was a bit overwhelmed and needed to advocate for myself. I quietly spoke up for my needs and verbalized the challenges to my partner. People knew something was up which introduced a little bit of discomfort to the group.

The miscommunication was quickly resolved and we were able to move forward with our dinner. I was still a bit unnerved and found myself looking at the drink menu.

I ended up half listening to the conversation around me and half arguing with myself.

Just one won’t hurt. It won’t undo what I’ve accomplished. My health won’t suffer. I can be uncomfortable for just this evening. It will pass and I’ll be fine.

I was justifying a need to dissociate and have something help “calm my nerves”. 

I went back and forth for what seemed like forever. None of their featured drinks appealed to me and yet the memory of relaxing tugged in my brain. To be a little looser and not care so much about what was going on around me.

I ended up ordering a martini. And just ordering it made me feel instantly better. My mind stopped racing, my muscles relaxed a little and i could feel the stress beginning to release… All from ordering a drink.

When it arrived I found I didn’t need it. It just sat there. At one point I took a sip and immediately confirmed I didn’t need it. Someone else at the table adopted it and enjoyed the flavor.

This experience left me mulling over comfort. Self-care. Soothing moments, thoughts, experiences.

As long as I was denying myself comfort my internal upset kept rising. I was focused on the need to escape and breathe. My brain knew what would help and yet I was refusing the support.

It was crazy how I didn’t need to drink it, I just needed to know I could.

Saying, “Yes. You can.” removed my blocks and stress.

How often do I do this? Or how often do you do this?

How often have you started watching your food intake to claim better health. The denial and cravings overcome you and you find binging brings remorse and the promise to get back on “on the wagon”. And the cycle continues.

How has saying, “You can’t do this.” contributed to challenges in personal relationships, business success, achieving goals?

I can’t dream big.

I can’t lose/gain weight.

I can’t find a great partner.

I can’t…. 

Fill in the blank.

And then… 

Change it to, “I can.”