Greetings Friend.
Long time no see, hear, talk….
When I decided I needed some personal time to heal and regroup, I never would have thought I’d be out of contact for over a year.
I pulled back.
WAY back.
When I checked in with the Universe, my Guides, and my Higher Power, I kept being told, “Just Be. Be a Human BEING, not a human DOING.”
On the one hand, this was the most difficult and overwhelming thing they could ask me to do. I have been a go, go, do-do person my entire life. How, exactly, do you flip that switch? On the other hand, I found my energetic and mental bodies were largely in agreement. I was tired, emotionally challenged, and overall slightly flatlined.
Living all of the labels I had taken upon myself drained me to the point of an inability to fully function in standard social circles. If I went to an event, say brunch with friends or a game night, I would be exhausted the next day and struggle to get through the day without a nap, or if I’m honest, two and sometimes three.
I finally went to my Doctor and admitted I felt “dimmed” and “sluggish”. I could function throughout a day and be productive with a myriad of things I knew needed attention, and yet life had lost its zest. I could laugh and joke, play pickleball, and enjoy life, and yet everything felt “muted”.
I realized I was functionally depressed. I say functionally because I was still operating. I’d get out of bed, take showers, do something with my hair, etc. I was consciously aware that I needed to function or I’d end up more depressed and in a spiral. I’d been to the therapists and was actively doing all of the things “they” recommend to help pull me up from the weighted depths. And yet… I could feel myself sliding.
The thing is, I was subconsciously barely treading water.
I added medication, like a life jacket, to help me stay afloat. I sought out new healers, acupuncture, a medical intuitive chiropractor, Qi Gong medicine, and a more intuitive massage therapist. I knew I needed a team to help me realign and strengthen. I renewed my trust in Self and tapped back into my inner voice.
You know what it said?
“Just BE.”
GAH!!!
For the last 18 months, I have been “Being”. I learned the value of stillness and pulling back. I eventually embraced the slower pace of allowing instead of the “gotta go, gotta do, push, push, push.”
I allowed new things to emerge while still taking naps and being aware of my personal truth. That truth was tired, easily exhausted and spent, worn down in ways I was fully unaware of. The truth was, I had pushed too hard, and it was time for respite. A break only I could create.
The challenge was figuring out what I could “let go” of. What was REALLY needed, and what was I simply telling myself I needed to do out of a sense of feeling important and special? What was my ego controlling, and how could I listen to the quieter need of my spirit?
I continued with a few clients and our Sacred Circle and Death Cafe, as these are passion projects that feed my soul and were right here, present, and connected. I pulled back on social media, the news, and both of my podcasts. I pulled back from expected engagements and allowed myself to say, ”No” when I intuitively knew something would be more draining than supportive of my state of healing.
The past couple of months, I’ve been feeling the pull to reconnect. I’ve felt the slow build of coming back into the open to share myself with you. To share my inner thoughts, inspirations, and insights that come through Spirit.
I’m still embracing BEING in life and enjoying the gifts that have emerged from being more in tune with my energetic needs, AND I’m ready to join in as we collectively choose a brighter, more compassionate, and loving path.
While on break, I was inspired to start a spiritual book study group. I felt a draw to join with like-minded people to discuss books and concepts we’re passionate about while pushing ourselves past the known and into possibility. Rev. Rachel Harrison joined me on this quest, and I’m delighted with where this will go. We started with the “Book of Joy” in January and “A New Earth” in February. We’re excited to read “Radical Forgiveness” by Colin Tipping for March, and I’d love to see you there.
I hope you’ve been taking care of yourselves. I pray you’re navigating the chaos of this world while finding pockets of peace and joy. I pray you can find time to BE and receive the gifts our Higher power has in store.