I’m proud of myself. I learned a new lesson this week and today I get to share my insights with you.
I fully believe asking for help is one of the strongest things we can do.
Acknowledging we have a need, being able to give voice to it, and trusting someone to help us fill it is incredibly powerful and amazing. Let’s not forget, immensely vulnerable and open.
People around us want to help. I believe it’s in our nature to love and help each other. We feel good when we’re able to boost someone or be the one they call on in a time of need. We band together to help through disasters large and small. Communities are strengthened when they go through challenges together. And in pulling together, we experience more unity, love, and connection. This beautiful reminder we are not alone.
While I am often giving the love and support out, this week I truly needed it coming in. As I supported another I, too, needed reinforcements.
And so I reached out and asked. I used my voice and did the strongest thing I could in my weakened state. And then?
I had an insight and learned a lesson.
There is a second part to the asking. Ask and then allow. You have to be open to receiving.
Have you ever asked for help and then found yourself doing the very thing you asked for help with? You reach out, feel a bit guilty for acknowledging you were in need, and then found the energy and strength to add it back onto your own pile of things to do? It’s as though magically you were fine all along and didn’t really need anyone.
Historically – this was me. I’d ask. Set a time. Know without a doubt they would be here to help and then amazingly find I had “extra” time. At this point I had a choice – do a little self-care and find gratitude for the moment of respite OR take care of whatever I asked for thus eliminating the need for assistance.
I chose not to do that this week. And I do mean it was a conscious choice.
I knew I was emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted. I knew I needed support and love. I knew people were more than willing to jump in and help if I could only tell them what I needed. So I reached out. I asked for help. I set down as many responsibilities and burdens as possible. I set a time for people to come and when I found myself with a couple of extra hours…I took a nap. I laid down on the couch to recuperate and rest. I literally had to remind myself I had support and it was better for me to allow the assist than to jump in myself.
And then I wondered. Why was allowing help in this moment so dang hard?!
For some, it may be that showing any amount of weakness is simply unacceptable.
For others, it may be fear of judgment of the situation or your current state.
Or maybe you feel unworthy of the love and support for one reason or another.
Mine was a combination of things. Letting people see me struggle and know I couldn’t “do it all.” I was weak and judging myself negatively for it. I wanted to appear to have “my shit together” and in these moments I clearly did not. Was I worthy of their efforts and support in grief?
I know, for a fact, I came out of last week better because I asked and then allowed. I found strength in allowing and receiving. I was reminded of the importance of self-care and ownership of the space I am in.
I am still grieving. It’s a day-to-day thing. And yet, I know I’m not alone. SO many people have lost loved ones. And not just loved ones, jobs, pets, friendships, homes, your favorite mug…grief comes in many different ways, shapes, and sizes. What may seem small to one human could be huge to another. That mug could have been Great Grandpa’s who taught you how to whittle and fish.
I thank you, again, for joining me in my journey. I genuinely pray you find value and inspiration in my experiences and are able to apply them to yours. I pray you learn about yourself and grow in your self-connection and love. I aspire to inspire compassion and kindness between every human being.
- Have you ever asked for help and then found yourself meeting the need before the other human can arrive to assist? Or complete the project so a colleague “doesn’t have to”? Or maybe you’ve asked for help and then decided you had to do all this other stuff in preparation?
- If you’ve ever added to your own burden while asking for help ask yourself “Why?” And what can you do to change that the next time?