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Defining Our Existence Out of the Box (3 of 3)


This is the third and final installment of a three-part series on how to break free from the boxes we were born into in order to live the truest, authentic life possible. Refer back to the previous two posts for part one and part two.


I have 4 siblings. When I was 8 years old my parents divorced and lives were changed. As adults, one sibling opened up a dialogue to understand and remember the timeline. He was working in theater and the shows he was doing were bringing up the past. He needed to remember and wanted to heal.


This was an amazing and eye-opening opportunity.


The five of us got to talk. We got to open up and express our experiences and memories. If we so chose we could share pains and perspectives and begin healing. The biggest learning moment for me was the realization that every single one of us had a totally different memory and experience. Yes, there were moments and times we remembered together and yet even those snippets could range in memories from painful to joyful.


I could feel what some still carry and see how that moment affected the rest of their lives.


The takeaway of different perspectives has changed my outlook and life.


This is a time of dramatic change. The cry for understanding and acceptance is ever louder and more prominent. We all seek compassion and reassurance of our state as a human race.  Every single one of us has had a different life experience up to this point. Just like my siblings, no two are the same.


My experiences and pain are individual to me. One person may look at my life and think my circumstances were huge and overwhelming while someone else may say I’ve had a truly easy life. I’m the one who is living it. I’ve had sincerely joy-filled moments, and moments I was ready for it all to be finished. I believe every single person has lived through this range. It is called being Human.


Emotion is what tears us apart and brings us together. 


The expression of a temper pushes people away with a desire to protect from a threat. The shedding of tears brings people together in laughter or compassion. The vast scope almost incomprehensible yet constantly uniting.


Emotions drive our actions.


We lash out in anger and fear to move the expression through us. We cry to release joy and sadness. We struggle with the vulnerability which comes from showing our emotional human side. And yet it’s there, waiting to be seen, heard, and understood.


The sense of enjoying another’s company drives us to spend more time together and the reverse is true too. I’m sure you can think of times you just didn’t feel good around a certain person, which means you prefer to avoid interaction if possible.


As we grew up there were countless experiences and countless emotions running through our bodies. These experiences and emotions helped form how we see the world and how we move forward as adults.  


Sometimes these are beautiful and leave an uplifting presence. Other times they are heavier and leave us struggling with certain actions or thoughts or emotions. Regardless these emotions and experiences help create patterns and beliefs we live by. Sometimes they are helpful and supportive while other times they become blocks that hold us back. Often, we have no clue these blockages and patterns began as a child and could be healed and changed as an adult. It’s all within you.


You have the power.


You get to create.


Our past does not define us.


I learned how to make peace with the boxes and beliefs. I’ve come to an understanding of who I am and how I want to live…free of the expectations and requirements of others.


You can too.


Shake the dust off. Remove the cardboard and embrace the stretch.


And I ask you to remember this: While you ask for compassion and understanding you must give it as well. You can not say love me while you hate another. Everyone is living their own trials.


My dream is one of love and unity. I believe we all need to start within. Clearing out our own shit. Dealing with what we each have, individually. Only when we find peace within ourselves can we grant the same to those around us. 


In other words: when we grant ourselves permission to leave the boxes behind we can encourage and assist others to do the same.


Find your center. 


Find your self-love.


Find your truth.


And then be a mirror to help others find theirs too.



                                         with love,


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