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28: Why Getting Help is the Strongest Thing You Can Do

Asking for help is one of the strongest things you can do. But there’s a crucial second step to the process of getting help: actually allowing someone to help you.

Transcription:

Think meditation is hard? Do me a favor. Take a slow deep breath in and now breathe out. Congratulations. You just meditated. Hi, I’m Krystal and Jakosky and this is Breathe In, Breathe Out: a weekly mindfulness and meditation podcast for anyone ready to own their own shit and find a little peace while doing it.

Welcome back to Breathe In, Breathe Out. I’m Krystal Jakosky and this is just, this is just fun. Welcome back today. We’re talking again about some of that self-care stuff. Last week, we talked about the harder side of self-care and how those difficult conversations can actually be more beneficial to our heart and mind, and emotional wellbeing than going and getting a pedicure or going for a hike and riding your bike.

It’s removing the heavy weight that we are carrying around that makes life a lot easier to navigate through. So whether it’s the challenging conversations or giving yourself a budget so that financially you can just feel better, or maybe it’s setting boundaries in relationships of all types saying, “no.” Think about the last time that you wanted to say “no,” but then didn’t and then you regretted the fact that you didn’t stand up for yourself and it was a drudgery to follow through on whatever project it was that you had to do because you couldn’t honor yourself and take care of yourself in that moment and say, “no, I just can’t do that.”

“No” may be a two-letter word. It’s not a four-letter word. It’s not a cuss word. No is actually very beautiful and helpful and beneficial. And I think that we all should employ it a little bit more. Maybe it’s getting rid of things and clearing out whether it’s the stuff that’s been hanging out in the garage so that you can’t park your car in there, or maybe you have a whole bunch of memorabilia and stuff that just needs to be organized a little bit and boxed up or displayed in a beautiful way so that you can remember it or removing emotional baggage, mental baggage, the literal physical, and tangible stuff that just hangs around that more difficult side of self-care this week. I actually want to talk about asking and allowing, which is this other part of self-care that is unbelievably difficult for, I dare say the majority of us to embrace the concept of number one, recognizing that you have an issue recognizing that you have a challenge. “I need a little bit of support.”

And number two, asking somebody to help you fill that those two steps are incredibly difficult. For some reason, when we realize that we need help, we feel when we ask for help, we feel even more inadequate and we failed to do the third part, which is actually allowing people to come to our aid, allowing people to help us through in that moment that we are struggling and working through whatever it is. And we do this to ourselves for many different reasons. You know, we may think that we’re just unworthy of support. We may think that we have to be these superhumans that are capable of absolutely everything in anything. And we need to keep up that, that image. I have a story cause you know me, I just have to tell stories. I love them.

I had a hard time. And when I say I had a hard time, I mean like difficulty sleeping, struggling to get through life. You just kind of want to cry every day. You feel overwhelmed and you just are really going from one moment to the next hoping that you can make it through. And when I was riding and I didn’t realize how deep I was, I didn’t realize how much I was carrying. I just knew that I was carrying and I just knew that I had to get through it. And in one moment I realized what was going on.

I finally noticed that I was totally drawn and I finally thought I need help. So I reached out, people had been asking me, Hey, tell me what we can do. Tell me how we can help. And I’m sure you’ve done this where people say, Hey, I see you’re having a hard time.

Let me know what I can do. And we all kind of brush them off and we say, “no, no, no, no, it’s okay. I’m fine. I got this. Don’t worry about it.” And we move on because part of it is we don’t even know what we need. And part of it is that superpower. I got this, don’t worry about it. I can make it through it. But in this moment I was not making it through it. And so I reached out and I asked people for help.

The thing is that I’m one of these people who I magically find the time. And when I find that time, instead of taking rest and giving myself self-care, I dive in and do the very thing that I just asked somebody to do for me, instead of taking that opportunity to refill my cup and find a little bit of peace and, and like rejuvenate a little bit, I end up, nevermind, I’m going to go ahead and I’m going to take it and I’m going to do whatever that was.

And I may be more exhausted afterward, but at least I got that thing taken care of and so-and-so didn’t have to help me. And I get to move forward and maintain my facade, maintain my mask of, of like “I got my shit under control and I’m good to go.” And I don’t have to worry about that in this moment. I actually didn’t do that. And I was super proud of myself.

So I recognized I need help. I asked for that help. And then I magically ended up with a couple of extra hours. Have you ever done that? You asked for help and then you have the extra hours I had this extra time. And the first thought on my brain was, “oh, I could totally go out and do this. And then other people wouldn’t have to help me.” And the second thought came into my mind, “Krystal, have yourself a break, take a moment, step back, allow them to help you need the rest. Why don’t you go lay down on the couch?”

So there’s part of me that begrudgingly went to the couch and laid down on the couch and I was like, “but I could be working.” And then there was this other part of me that was like this gentle, soothing being saying “it’s okay, just rest, just take it in, just rest.” And I cried a little bit and I took a little bit of a nap and I woke up and I thought, “oh, it’s only been 10 minutes. I could go out and I could do some stuff.” It was so much harder than I expected it to be, to allow someone to help. I know I’m not the only one. I know that you can sit there right now listening to me. And you can think of times when you’ve been like, “oh yeah, I do that all the time.” Or, you know, “I did that when this happened or when that happened.”

Why is the allowing so difficult? Like we stop and we notice that we have a hard time and just acknowledging that we’re having a hard time acknowledging that we need a little bit of help makes us feel better because it’s no longer a boogeyman. It’s no longer us in the pressure cooker. We kind of, we turned that little top so that we could relieve some of the pressure when we could, we could relax a little bit and things are a little bit more manageable because we can breathe a little bit easier just by admitting that we need a little help. And then asking for that, help gives us a little bit more relief because we know we have somebody in our corner and then we’ve totally sabotage ourselves. Instead of allowing that to come through, we get it off of our plate and find that relief.

And then we put it right back on, pushing ourselves back into that. Overwhelming, pushed beyond exhausted space where we are emotionally, mentally, physically, just trying to get through life. I know for a fact that I came out of my challenging moment better because I stopped and asked for help. And not only did I ask for help, but I also waited and allowed people to help. And it wasn’t just one or two people that ended up coming to my aid. It was multiple people cause it was a bigger thing going on in that moment. And what would have taken me two to three hours to do had I decided that I was just going to go ahead and push through, took us like half an hour, and things were done. And we all got to sit there together and relax and laugh and connect as a group in that moment.

How do you change it? How do you yourself start allowing what is it that holds you back earlier? I said, sometimes it’s showing a weakness that is simply unacceptable. Is that what it is for you? You can’t show weakness and allowing somebody to help you means that you’re weak. Maybe it’s a fear of judgment that people will look at you and say, “oh, well that is not so difficult. So why is she having such a hard time?” And you can’t allow that you may be surprised that people actually are not judging you. What’s difficult for one person is simple for another person and it’s actually beneficial to let them leap in.

It could be that organization for you is really difficult. You have fabulous ideas and that execution is overwhelming. So you have this fabulous idea and then you get to hand it off to somebody who is really good at that organization.
That execution of this goes here, that goes there, let’s rally the troops and get things taken care of what are your strengths? And then what are the strengths of those people around you that you can pull in to help support you in moving forward? Look at it as a positive and a gift instead of a negative weight. Maybe some of us feel unworthy of the love and support that somebody could give us. And if that’s the case, why do you have the ability to dig into that? Do you have the ability to say, “oh, that’s a bunch of bullshit. I am worthy because I am an amazing human being and I am doing amazing things and I happen to be struggling right now. So it’s perfectly fine for me to let somebody help me out.”

I’ve talked before about arguing with that voice in your head and any one of these issues can be an argument in your head, any one of these challenges, and whatever.
Like if I have not touched on the reason that you have a hard time allowing people to help you, whatever your reason is, I have told you to start arguing with that voice in your head. Is that your voice saying that you are unworthy? Is it your voice saying you’re inadequate or that there’s a weakness. If you allow someone to help you, whose voice is actually telling you these negative things, and start arguing with it, “I’m absolutely worthy of that because I do ABC XYZ. I’m absolutely worthy of because I am…” The more that you argue with that voice and the more that you remind yourself of your own worth and your own value, the more you’re taking care of yourself, the more that you’ve put yourself higher on their priority list, the better your life becomes. Because number one, you’ve acknowledged that you were in a space where you need help.

Number two, you’ve asked someone for that support, what is stronger than admitting that you need help. And then asking for said help. There’s nothing stronger than that. I, I, it is just amazingly beautiful to me when somebody says, “Hey, I need this.” And I really want to help that person. There is no judgment whatsoever because that person was strong enough to ask for help and then make sure that you do the third part, which is allowing ask and allow, let someone come in, let someone support you, let someone help. It’s one of the more difficult things in self-care is that third part of allowing.

I’m doing really good, constantly improving. I hope that you are constantly improving, I hope that you are finding these little tidbits and these little gems along the way that bring you joy and get, bring you insights and make you feel better.
They lift life a little bit and give you more of a gift. More of a light, more of a joy. We’re all in this together. Every one of us has our own challenges, our own experiences in life that we need to work through. And if we help each other, if we show compassion to each other on what we’re going through, life is just so much better. It’s those stickers that say everyone is going through something. So let’s just spread a little bit more, love, a little bit more support, recognize I’m absolutely going through something and that person might be too. So let’s just be a little kinder, a little gentler, a little more supportive and loving, and just create a way kindler, gentler, more accepting world. Have a great week and I look forward to having you come back next week here on Breathe In, Breathe Out.

I hope this moment of self-care and healing brought you some hope and peace. I’m Krystal Jakosky on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube and I hope you check us out and follow along for more content coming soon. I look forward to being with you again here on Breathe In, Breathe Out. Until next time, take care.

Breathe In, Breathe Out is a weekly mindfulness and meditation podcast hosted by yours truly, Krystal Jakosky. Each week, we’ll release a brand new lesson or meditation focused on helping you navigate your life by giving YOU the tools to become your own healer.

Breathe In, Breathe Out is available now – wherever you get your podcasts.

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