I recently had the opportunity to be in a play. We followed COVID guidelines for our area and were cautious with rehearsals and blocking. There were only four of us in the cast, which made things a bit easier, and yet, it also meant there were a lot of lines to memorize and get right.
Theater has been a hugely healing arena for me. Each play I’ve been presented with has helped me process through a particularly challenging or difficult time in my life. I didn’t start into theater until I was 30 years old and that first show taught me of my own self-worth and the beauty of self-acceptance. It was a transformation I am forever grateful for and hold dear to my heart.
This latest production presented itself to me and it felt so natural to just accept the role. I laughed a little wondering what this show would be teaching me and looked forward to the new experience. As I haven’t done a show in six years I was sincerely worried I’d have challenges memorizing lines and achieving my own expectations. Nonetheless, I dove in and applied myself.
I got to play a very feminine, sexy, outgoing woman. In many ways, she was already me and in others, I felt freedom in expressing a bit of an alter ego.
In “doing a show,” you have casting, then reading the play, rehearsals, set build, the week of tech before opening night, the run of shows with an audience, and then “set strike” where you take everything down.
When it came time for the set build I took a drill in hand and let my inner “more power” tool man out. I was a machine and loved the physical movement and expression. My body just went and attacked and got stuff done. I was laying on the ground screwing boards together, climbing ladders to secure walls, lifting, shifting, painting, you name it, I was all over it. And it felt so good to be “masculine” in those moments.
I’ve learned to tune into each energy. There have been times I was insecure because I felt more masculine in my body language while my appearance was so Female. Comments about “tough” mannerisms would make me question if I should pull back and be more traditionally feminine. In the same aspect, I don’t like the box and label that presents…. so I decided to understand myself better.
While I have a very feminine physical body, my masculine leads in physical activities. My feminine loves connection, peaceful moments, teaching and creativity. She is the part leading when I’m working with clients and students. She’s nurturing and gentle and safe. She balances my masculine side. She is the one who encourages self-care and introspection. She loves flowy, comfortable clothes and the general feeling of being an attractive woman.
My masculine side is strong, confident, and bull-headed. It’s the “get shit done” part of me. If there’s a day I need to dig in and accomplish big stuff, that side is the one who moves forward and carries the day. It doesn’t care if I break a nail and is happy to drive a tractor or pull a bunch of weeds. And while some say the “mama bear” is feminine, my masculine is fiercely protective of my being and my loved ones.
No matter what your birth-assigned gender is, every human has these two sides. A masculine and feminine.
And what you need in the moment determines which traits will come forward to support you.
So, how are you feeling today? Is it a day of letting your Divine Feminine shine? Or is your Divine Masculine coming forward to carry the day?
- Make a list of all the traits you typically define as feminine.
- Make another list with all the traits you typically define as masculine.
- Can you think of different times you embody traits from both sides?
- How about friends, family, and acquaintances? Do you see where those around you also possess traits from both states of being?
These traits can be both positive and negative. Masculine and feminine can both be stubborn or protective. This is all in your perception. Finding balance and understanding is the goal. A shift out of the stereotypical expectations and into embracing reality allows you to be more authentic to the uniqueness that is you.