Several years ago I had a vision of a beautiful space where people could come and step away from the demands of everyday life and focus on themselves. Today, The Beam and Bell truly embodies that vision. In this week’s episode of Breathe In, Breathe Out, I share what it was like creating this magical space and the twists and turns that occurred along the way.
Think meditation is hard. Do me a favor, take a slow, deep breath in, and now breathe out. Congratulations, you just meditated. Hi, I’m Krystal Jacosky, and this is Breathe In. Breathe out a weekly mindfulness and meditation podcast for anyone ready to own their own shit and find a little peaceful while doing it.
Krystal Jakosky: Welcome back to Breathe In, Breathe Out. I’m Krystal Jacosky and I’m really excited to share this week’s episode with you. I first met Kevin Pinnell when I was a guest on his podcast, which is Award A Better Life. It was such a delightful experience. We had so many things in common that I really wanted to bring him on my podcast so that we could talk about the indigenous people. Kevin began his journey with the indigenous people of North America in the early nineties. He met Ken two feathers early on in that journey, and Ken Two Feathers became more than Kevin’s teacher. They had a wonderful friendship. And 10 years into that friendship, Kevin wrote the book, Two Feathers, Spiritual Seed Planter as Kevin Laughing Hawk, which addressed two feathers life and Native American spirituality. There is so much more to his experience and his life. This is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. We’re going to talk about some of the keynotes of Kevin’s experience. I really hope that you enjoy listening as much as I enjoyed having him on my podcast. Hello, and welcome back to Breathe In, Breathe Out. I’m Krystal Jakosky, your host, and I am so excited to have Kevin on our show today. Kevin Cannell, welcome.
Kevin Pennell: Thank you. Great to be here. This is awesome. I’ve switched roles for a change. I’m not a host. I’m actually a guest.
Krystal Jakosky: Oh, isn’t that fun? When you get to switch it up a little bit. Kevin and I have actually been recording right now because whenever we have the opportunity to chat, Kevin and I go off on so many different tangents and so many different realms, and it’s because we are both interested in so many different things. We are always looking for something new to learn or something new to teach, which means that we have a plethora of things that we can talk about and go down rabbit hole after rabbit hole after rabbit hole. So we’re going to make an effort to keep this a little shorter, meaning not four hours long, because we could talk for hours.
Kevin Pennell: We’re going to try to focus.
Krystal Jakosky: We’re going to give it the college try, you know, the good college. Not the one where you smoke pot for the first four years and then decide to do college. We’re going to actually try to focus. Welcome to my world today. Kevin, tell us a little bit about yourself, who you are and what brought you to my podcast studio.
Kevin Pennell: Oh my goodness. Well, if you got about two or three hours, hang in there. It’s just actually been about a year ago that I decided, I’m going to try doing a podcast because for 35 years off and on, I was in broadcast journalism and radio. So I just have a lot of fun with it. And I published a book, worked on a couple of other books, and did some magazine articles. I love to write, but for whatever reason, the publisher just wasn’t impressed. Okay, this is great, but you’re not going to publish it. It’s good stuff, but we’re not going to publish it. And I’m going, Yeah, fine, whatever. And I realized part of writing is you have to be able to accept a little two letter word called no.
Oh, that’s standard procedure. And I just, in one of those moments, I said, you know, I did broadcast journalism and I did human interest stories for years. I really enjoy doing that, just listening and talking with people about their lives. And literally, I think it was like 3:30 or 4:30 in the morning. That tends to be what I call my spirit time. Some of the most significant little truths that I’ve ever had. The title for the book that I wrote came to me in the middle of the night. And when I wrote that book, I wrote it from five o’clock in the morning until 6:30 every day until I got done with it. But that’s my spirit time. This time it came through as you need to do a podcast called Toward a Better Life.Read More
I went through the same thing with Krystal when she first came on my podcast saying, Okay, so when do we really start the podcast? And we had probably, I don’t know, know, 20, 30 minutes on the phone before we actually started. So I appreciate Krystal’s insights into helping people, helping people where they are, helping people to help themselves, and learning that life really can be a truly enjoyable experience if you look at it that way. And if you choose to look at it from a negative perspective, guess what you’re going to get. And I said, You know, we have so many different things in common that we can do with that so this is cool. This is awesome.
Krystal Jakosky: I love you and I want to put you in my pocket and just carry you around with me. Thank you for the boost. One of the things that Kevin and I have the opportunity to really connect with and is dear to my heart is actually the native path. And so today, in the interest of bringing more awareness and more understanding about possibilities and different healing modalities that you guys can dive into, finding your peace, finding your direction, finding your life, I really wanted Kevin to come on and talk about his journey with that native path so that you guys can understand a little bit more, because some of us are really drawn to it. I can tell you that any time I hear those drums, I am bouncing and walking around right along with it, because there is something that speaks to my heart and soul, and it brings me joy to be in that area. So Kevin, what drew you to the native path? Tell me about a little bit of your background and what brought you to that new place?
Kevin Pennell: I became really curious about how the indigenous people worked in close harmony with the world around them. They saw the trees as their brothers. You see the animals as their brothers and sisters. They would call the trees, not trees, but they called the brothers, called them the tall ones. Would call the stones, the rocks, grandmothers and grandfathers. They would go into a sweat lodge or they’d call them the stone people because they were the wisest people, because these stone people have been around for thousands of years. And the only way that we have to communicate is if you’re really in tune with stuff. You’re walking a long garden past some place, maybe out in Colorado or Texas or Minneapolis or wherever you might be in this little stone. You’re just drawn to it and you say, I got nothing, but it looks cute, so I’ll pick it up.
And you, and if you actually tried to tell that person, you do know that that stone just talked to you, Right? They’d say, Yeah, Right. What planet did you just fall off of? But I was always intrigued by the natural world, and I’ve always been intrigued by all the beauty of the natural world. And then I found myself just getting interested in that. And I started to say, Well, I wonder if I have any native blood in me. And I said, Well, you know, and at the time I was living in Broward County down in Florida, and we had a pretty big library. The library in Broward County was huge. And they actually had an archive section, and you could go in, believe it or not, Krystal, you could go into there and you can look up the original manifests from the original Mayflower.
Obviously they’re micro-fish, but it was amazing. We’re talking about handwriting Okay. That they had preserved from some place. And I’m going to just casually conclude the other, you know, and the curiosity part comes in. Oh, I wonder if Pinnell is in the right place. Yeah. 1637, third Mayflower, there’s a Pinal. I went, Oh my gosh. My family’s been here since 1637. And I know my dad had told me that, you know, the other crew came in from Wales, around sometime in the mid to early 1700s, because our ancestors fought in the Revolutionary War. So, geez, you know, common sense will tell you, I’ve got to have native blood in me. Right. I’ve been around here for three to 400 years. It’s got to be native blood in me. Right? So I started that path and I started chumming around with different folks, and I was really drawn to a couple of folks.
One of those people as a person, I wrote about. The book is Two Feather Spiritual Seed Planter, and it’s written by Kevin Laughing Hawk, which is my spirit name that he gave me. But when Kenny and I first met, and this is shown in the book, when Kenny and I first met, I went into that guy, and I’m just talking with him because I was curious, and at the time I was doing news for local a radio station, and I said, You know, I wonder, I’m not really into the idea of interviewing this guy for a program, but I did see him identified in a local newspaper, The Gainesville Sun, I think it was. I sat down and I talked with him, and I just said, You know, you’re an interesting man and I would really like to share a little bit more with you.
He said, Sure, by all means, what questions do you have? And that short little time ended up being two and a half hours, difficult to do with you. Well, if you knew two feathers, you’d see that we’re on the verge of destruction here for taking up time. Oh, wow. Both of us just went on and on and on. And one of the most significant things that he said to me, he looked at me and he said, I do have a question for you, Kevin. I said, What’s that? He says, Do you know who you are? And I said, Well, sure. I know exactly who I am. I’m Kevin Pennell, I’ve been a pi, I’ve been a cop. I was in radio, I’m in radio now, and you know, I’ve done this, I’ve done that. I’ve done, No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Do you know who you are? And I said, I, I don’t. He says, We’ll go to that later. And he told me also, You know so you write news stories? I said, Yeah. He says, You know, maybe someday you ought to write a book about me or write a book about us. And I went, Oh, yeah. Right. Yeah. Like, I’m going to do that. 10 years later I did.
But, you know, so that’s the process. I was, you know, Kenny and I got together and I looked at him as my, my good friend, my brother, my teacher, my mentor. We are convinced that we were related in a past life, and we’ve got proof in our hearts and our spirits that that’s very, very true. And if I had a picture of him someplace, I would try to pull it up here to show you, because particularly in the cover of my book, and if you go to Amazon, you can see it. And people would look at that picture and they’d say, Well, it’s about Ken two feathers. Why did you put your picture on the cover?
And I didn’t. That’s Kenny, that’s how close we looked like each other. And when I was living up in Maine I’d be on the street walking along and somebody’d holler across the street, and this is a little village up there called Bethel. He would holler across the street, and they would say, Kenny. Kenny. And I’m looking around Flood, trying to find Kenny. I can’t see Kenny anywhere, I turned around and then said, Oh, wait a minute. You’re not Kenny
They were talking to me. Things for a compliment. Yeah. Thanks for the compliment. I really appreciate that. Nice thoughts. But Kenny taught me so much about this stuff, and I was still convinced that I was Native American. You know, after all, I’ve been here for 300 and something years. My family’s been here that long. I mean, my gosh, I’ve got to be Native American, Nope. Few years ago, Vicky, who’s my partner, got me one of these DNA test things, and I found out that I am Scott Welsh, Irish, and a little bit of German. And here’s the cool part that I didn’t expect. I’m also a Viking.
That answered a lot of questions for me, because if you go into some of the history of the Carolinas and some of the Virginias, you’ll find out that a lot of the intermarriages that took place a couple of hundred years ago with the Cherokee people, and it looks like they would intermarry with Celtics. If you start looking at the Celtic traditions, and you look at them in comparison to Native American ways, both of them honor the earth, both of them look at the spirits of the world, the spirits of the animals, the spirits of the earth, the spirits of everything. And that’s enough common ground to cause a beautiful relationship between people. So instead of turning my back on it saying, Well, you know, I’m not Native American, I’m a human being.
And that’s what Kenny would tell you. He says, there is no such thing as a Native American, an indigenous person, this, that, the other, we’re all human beings. And that is the essence of it, is to become a human being and a true human being as someone who not only honors the earth, but they honor people and they honor others’ ways. And that continued the journey. But it wasn’t until about a year or so before Kenny crossed over that I came to the realization that, Nope, I’m Scott Welsh and Irish mostly. And I’m okay with that. But in the midst of all of that, what I learned over a period of 15, 20 years of exposure to some of the indigenous people, particularly northeastern woodlands, Kenny was a penobscot and Sarney. You have Pinco, Mick Mack, Ma, Paqua, you know, all that group that’s up there in Maine and New England. And I sat under his tutelage and learned a great deal about sweat lodges, about getting, giving a name about the significance of having a spirit named significance of the sacred pie, significance of the giveaway. All those beautiful stories and how I made them a part of me. And in sharing that book, I encouraged other people to do this as well, from a standpoint of not becoming a Native American, but to become a better human being. So there’s the short version.
Krystal Jakosky: The question of, do you know who you are? Is a terrifying question, I think, for a lot of us. I mean, on the one hand, absolutely, I’m so and so, and this is what I do, but do you really know who you are? And to be sitting, you were drawn to indigenous people, you were drawn to the Native American ways. And to have this person sitting there asking you such a deep question You said, I’m Kevin Pennell, and I do this and this, and this and this, But inside, were you freaking out?
Kevin Pennell: Oh, yeah.
Krystal Jakosky: How did you move from, was it in just that one interview where you moved from where acquaintances and we’re checking each other out, and I wanted to know more about you that you automatically moved into, I want to take you under my wing. Or how did it change from just these two people meeting to, you need to learn more about who you are, and I want to teach you?
Kevin Pennell: It was one step at a time. In the book I talk about asking for a teacher or looking for a teacher, and it was still a curiosity. And I’m a curious person. I’m a very curious person, underscore that several times. And curiosity can be a blessing, could also be a curse. In this instance, it was a blessing. And the curiosity continued that Kenny says, Oh, we’ve got a Native American gathering coming up. Next month they have what they used to call down around Dad city, They called it the full moon ceremony. And it was beautiful, and it was on the full moon. And you would, we would have all these different people come and, and it was intertribal and even those that were not native and yet called to it, and don’t let me forget, I want to go to that in a second. Their essence was drawing me toward a deeper understanding of these people that were so beautiful and so wonderful. And I said, You know, there’s got to be something here and I can’t quite figure it out. So I kept going back to Kenny and talking with him. This wasn’t just one conversation. And to answer your first question, I’m sorry, was, you know, did you at that point in time realize that you were the student and he was the teacher? The answer is no. The universe knew it.
Universe knew, it’s taken us this long to get you two guys together crying out loud. You have no idea what a pia this has been.
And as we moved along, I started hearing about gifting tobacco and asking for a teacher. And really what that means to ask an indigenous person to be your teacher. Kenny taught me a lot as far as being very traditional in some of this stuff, and I’m not dissing anyone for any of this, but, there were people that if you wanted a teacher, then you not only gifted tobacco, but you gifted money. And if you wanted a sweat, you gifted money. It just goes on and on and on. And I’m not I’m not dissing anyone because that’s just their path. But the way that I was taught is, if I want a teacher, I gift them tobacco. If I want a sweat lodge, I gift them tobacco. If I want them to awaken a spirit pipe for me, I gift them tobacco. Why tobacco?
It’s bad for you. No. What it is, is, is it actually, the smoke is lifted with our spirit thoughts in the smoke to creator to the universe, to the ancestors around us, because that’s how the prayers are lifted. That’s why so often tobacco is looked at as a sacred herb, because its essence, the smoke as it’s burned, lifts our prayers and our intentions to the universe around us and the ancestors. So you would gift tobacco. And after a month, I’d say, I realized I really do want to know more about this. And I ended up gifting Kenny Tobacco and asking him to be my teacher. Part of that entailed, when you asked someone to be your teacher, you are like, I still use the term today. You’ve opened the door. You’ve opened the door to what you’ve opened to allow that person to share with you what they find to be the most benefit for you to be a better human being.
And guess what? Some of those things they tell you, if you’re a good teacher, you may not and you probably won’t like. Because they tell you stuff that is better for you as a person. And I’m not going to sit here and tell you that it was all actually roses. As roses have thorns, Kenny upset me enough a couple of times that I wanted to punch him. I’m not kidding at all. It just irritated the crap out of me. And he had me, I’m gonna steal your term. He had me own my shit. And I really didn’t want to own my shit because it’s my shit. It’s not somebody else’s. And it’s so easy to say, that’s your fault. You just don’t want to admit to it because it’s your perception. Yeah. So after a while, I became his student, he was my mentor. So he was my student, I was his student, I was his man, he was my mentor. I’ll slip on that because the interesting thing is, when you get in deep enough with somebody, the roles do reverse. You establish a beautiful relationship that is beyond words.
And as he would say, I’m not sure about our timeframe here, but if you can do this while we’re talking, I’m going to find something since it is going to be shown on YouTube, there’s a beautiful little story if I’m allowed to do this. Okay.
Krystal Jakosky: Yeah. This is your podcast. Well, it’s my podcast. You are my guest. You can get to do what you want.
Kevin Pennell: If I can do this in a camera. Okay. So I’ve got, There we go. I’ve got three dots here, right? Yeah. Okay, So now I’m going to take this, I’m going to draw a couple of lines here, and here it is again.
Krystal Jakosky: Further back, hold it further back so we can see it better. There we go. Okay.
Kevin Pennell So when we’re here, this is you and I talking to you, Krystal. Okay. Yeah. But the relationship that we’re forming also forms another relationship.
This is our higher selves communicating and they’re communicating in terminology. We cannot identify, we cannot communicate because we don’t know, we don’t understand that language. So in a higher form, you and I are communicating. And that’s how Kenny and I were, and that’s how all relationships are. If you really look at it, and it’s when we have these types of relationships that people should understand that. I don’t want to go down this road because it’s a whole nother podcast. But if you are in a situation where you need to end a relationship, this needs to finish or not finish, but you’d redefine it.
Because you’ve had that communication at that level. And so you have to figure out a way to make it real, to make it a good thing. And one of the things that we’ve used, I know some people think about affirmations, and I got an affirmation years ago, and this was not native, it was not indigenous, but it came from a spiritualist that I met down in Florida. He was an elder in a group down there. And the words go, you put a name or an object in the beginning of this affirmation, you’d say, Jack, I now release you to your good. The good of one is the good of all. Now keep those three little things in mind that I just showed you because Jack and I have had a relationship. But now we need to shift that relationship. So the I that I is the divine side of me, the higher self that I now release you to your good, I now release you to your higher self.
I now release you to the good intentions that you have. The ultimate result of that is in doing so, you help everyone and yourself included, because the good of one is the good of all. And that’s how you do stuff. If we realize that it really helps our relationships a lot more, so you can see where I can, we can really go to town on that. So that information was shared with me in that it’s so important that we really do get the picture of what it’s like to have a relationship with someone and to be integrated with that person because we are not just linear, but the whole picture. Yeah. So we’re embraced together in that whole thing.
Krystal Jakosky: There’s a ton in there. And I was trying to quietly and discreetly take some notes because there are so many things that I want to jump back to. I do the same thing. So, I love the illustration when I am working with a client or when I am being taught with somebody. I have, I have for a long time, 20 years, been very aware of my higher self. And there have been plenty of times that my higher self has been talking with the other person’s higher self. Then I understand. So it helps me to see their perspective. It helps me to see their point of view, why they feel a certain way. When I’m working with a client, I make sure that the conversation between my higher self and myself is very clear. So that if there is information that I need to give to my client while I’m teaching them how to listen to their higher self, it’s a very sacred and beautiful connection that you can build and you can really honor like yourself with your higher self and understanding and trusting the information that you get from them.
And as a teacher and a student connection, it’s even more sacred and special because of the added depth of the relationship that can happen because of the fact that you’re willing to spiritually connect together. My husband has this phrase, he says, the student becomes the master. And I think that goes to your comment that, that it does, we shift for a little while. We become, we are the teacher or we are the student. And after a little while, we are going to shift and we will be the other, we will be the student or the teacher on some level in some manner. And it’s a beautiful give and take because we’re all human and we all have experiences that we can share to help change lives in beautiful, gentle, and not so gentle ways. Some of the best lessons that I have learned are the ones where I just kind of want to flip the finger and say, Screw you, I don’t want to talk to you anymore.
Kevin Pennell: And then I have had those clients who they don’t talk to me for a week or two because what I ask them, what I am inspired to ask them from my eye or power saying, Hey, you need, you need a bigger nudge than what you’re willing to accept right now. So I’m going to say this. And it really upsets them. It’s really infuriating. And yet they always come back and say, thank you.
I needed that. I wasn’t willing to accept that. And the way that you did that was so fabulous. It hurts like hell. It pisses us off. And yet those moments, as long as we’re still saying yes, and, and I’m going to choose into this, then we’ll see what happens and where it goes. And I’m really grateful for you, that Kenny was able to push your buttons.
Krystal Jakosky: Am I? You have no idea. He, he came in, I’ll go ahead. No, you’re good. No, no, no. Please. You had a question. I want to because I will ramble forever.
Kevin Pennell: No, I was, what I was going to say was actually to the audience and the fact that oftentimes those people who are so challenging have the biggest lessons. They have the biggest opportunity for shifting, for growth. If we step back, take a moment and ask, Okay, what am I supposed to learn? What am I being shown? How can I deal with this? Instead of shutting down and putting that wall there and a million locks and everything else to push that person out of our lives, maybe we step back and say, Okay, how can I learn and how can I grow and how can life be better because of this really frustrating moment that I am experiencing? So friction is good.
Krystal Jakosky: It is something, somebody ought to come up with a line like breathe in and breathe out.
Kevin Pennell: Right. Thank you.
So a little while back, I want to bring us back to this because I wanted to come back and you mentioned that you wanted to come back. The whole concept of you thought for sure that you had Native American blood in you, that you were somehow related to that. And then you go in with Kenny two feathers and you’re learning from him. And you said you wanted to return to this concept of the fact that you actually don’t have, and yet you were learning from.
So in some work that I had done on my own and thankfulness to others, for what it’s worth my background, degree is in theology. And I did a flip some years ago and I will not, again, I’m not going to put anybody down because they go to church because that is the level of spirituality. That’s the way you achieve your level of spirituality that you feel that you’re growing from and that you’re getting a lot of benefit from. And that’s fine. It’s just not who I am anymore. It was part of my process. I don’t regret any of that. But all that being said, I’m leading into something. And that is that I strongly believe in reincarnation Now, I believe in it so strongly that I can tell you that there were incidents in my life where dreams that used to come to me after I had made a shift and I had made a change that was needed in my life, Guess what happened to those dreams? They stopped because I made the change that was necessary. And I realized after I had had this one, I had one dream that was, it was to the point, it would actually become nightmarish and it would wake me up. And it was scary. I’m sure people have had these kind of dreams where you would have a dream where you either you want to punch somebody and for whatever reason, everything goes into slow motion and you can’t quite get your fist into it where you need to go stops
Yeah. Or you have the other situation, which was this one that I had a spear in my hand and I was native. I was a pueblo and I had my spear and we were being invaded and I knew that I had to do something and I just kept trying to move forward with this. And it’s, I’m going to kill you. I’m going to do this. And nothing will ever happen with that. I had a past life regression done by a colleague of mine and came to realize the reason why I had such a hard time with that is because that’s not what happened. Oh. I was a spiritual leader of that group, and I had taken the vow to be a peacemaker, and that meant that I didn’t raise arms against anybody.
And the truth came out that I watched my family get killed. Wow. And that was tough. And after I realized what was involved with that, I saw for the first time in that juncture, a real essence of what I was in that life. Not only had it been that, but I also found that there were some roots in the Kwa Nation. And because I was, I talked with somebody one time and we were just having a great time, just like you and I are having a great time right now. And we started singing some wonderful songs and some of the songs that just came from the heart just came from Spirit. I’m just going at it. And the lady that I was with at the time, she says she just held her hand up and she was black feet and Polish.
That’s a good combination. She said, You need to stop right there. And I said, Why? What? You know, what did I do? And I’m still, this is like three or four years into my, two or three years into my path on some of this indigenous people path. What did I do? Did I offend you? And she, No, have you been around K people? And I said, No, I’ve never been around Kwa people. Where are they? And she says, Well, you know, up Midwest. And I said, Okay. So what? She says, Well, you’re singing in the K language. I got nothing. And again, I did some more work. And I’m, I’m comfortable with that, that Kwa. And some people say, Oh, you’re just one of those frilly, fufu people that just believes in anything and everything.
But what I’ve got also down deep inside of me is a real sense. And it was brought into full light when I saw, and I heard from Kenny, but I heard about a story that was given down, I believe by the Hopi, and I can be wrong, but something about that there are so many souls who are out there from the 500 nations that occupied North America. There are not enough bodies for the souls that have crossed over. And so some of those souls went into the people of today, the white people, and those that have the hearts and the minds ready for this sort of thing. Okay, I can accept that or not, all I know is this. I’m going to move along with the way that time feels. I’m the most comfortable. And so, I will talk about, you need to be very wary of being too comfortable because you know, you can get so comfortable that you no longer grow. But comfort in this act, I would say not comfortable, but content with the concept that I’m confident that I’ve been in native in the past. And that’s why one of the reasons I gravitated back to this is because I see the connection between my true heritage of the Celtic people and the inherited or reincarnated heritage of my native side. So yeah, it’s beautiful. It’s powerful stuff.
I’m searching for the right words at the moment because there are a ton of thoughts and ideas going through my brain right now. And I want to say these words in the most respectful and honoring way that I can. We are drawn to different things. We are drawn to different ways of life. And it is all an opportunity to learn and grow. It is all an opportunity to find compassion and expansion with understanding a different culture, a different way of living, a different state of being. And this is, and I would like to mention that not by way of just Native American and indigenous pupils. I’m talking about people who live differently than us. Maybe it’s someone who chooses religion and the structure that that gives them over spirituality. Perhaps it’s someone who has a different societal belief, right? Whether you’re Republican or Democrat or all those things.
Perhaps it’s someone who is lgbtq plus versus someone who is not unaware of it. Somebody who is deaf and in that community and culture and somebody who is not and is trying to learn how to respect and honor the different cultures and ways of living around us. And I think that by learning about it, inviting that in from a very respectful and honoring space, we learn so much more. And just like you are the student, you may also become the teacher and help people recognize that you’re not out to get them and that you are more balanced and that things are okay and whatnot. I think there’s this huge opportunity for all of us to come together in this compassionate, gentle space. If you are drawn to the beliefs and the feelings and the teachings and the culture of indigenous people, I encourage you to dive in.
I encourage you to respectfully dip your toes and send out to the universe and say, Hey, can you send me a teacher and help me meet the people that I need to meet so that I can start walking on that path? Because the only way you will find that person is if you do open up. Kevin and I were talking about the concept right now. Kevin’s very much in this. Yes. And what else can I do? And if you say, yes, I would like that teacher, and what else can I learn? How many things shift?
You bet it does. Just be ready for the ride. I think when you are working with someone within the native community, as an outsider, I would say this, I felt truly honored when I was living out in the southwest living, living in Arizona. And I found the sweat lodge to be so beneficial for me as a person. And it really did a lot for my heart, my spirit, my soul, and what a wonderful group of people they were that were there. It was on the Pima Reservation. And if you’re familiar with Phoenix, that’s pretty much really close within the city limits of Phoenix. But they were Pima, there were Pima and there were Navajo. That was pretty much it. Those two people, excuse me, there was Apache, there were Apaches there too.
And the sweat lodges that I had been to up to that point were a big one for me was 10, 15 people. This sweat lodge alone was probably, I’m gonna guess it was, it was elliptical. So it was probably pretty close to somewhere between 16 and 20 feet long and probably a solid 12 to 14 feet wide, big sweat lodge. Wow. And I thought a big sweat lodge that we would have had a really heavy duty sweat lodge had 12 to 15 stones. No, we had somewhere between 48 and 52 stones in that sweat lodge. And everyone in there, you could just feel the spirit in there. And I faithfully went there for my own sake. I mean, because I needed that in my life at that time. I had drifted a little bit. I’m still on the path and still doing it, but I’m still being pulled into other stuff and we can maybe go into that later or go into another podcast. But we all will drift from time to time off of our given path. And sometimes it’s done for different reasons, but in this one, I felt really good that it gave me that grounding that I needed.
And literally out of the proverbial blue, the leader came to me and parenthetically the leader and his wife actually helped young men and women on the PMA reservation with substance abuse. And they used the sweat lodge as a vehicle to help them overcome substance abuse. So it was pretty powerful. Yeah. He came up to me after I’d been there for some months, he put his hand on my shoulder and he said, Can I speak with you for a minute brother? And I said, Sure, what’s up? He says, You know, we have another sweat lodge. I said, Yeah, I, you know, coming next Tuesday, Wednesday, whatever it was, he says, No, no, no. He says, We have a family swat lodge every Sunday and I’d like you to start attending.
Krystal Jakosky: Oh wow.
Kevin Pennelll: That blew me away.
Krystal Jakosky: Literally invited you into the family.
Kevin Pennell: Yeah. And no ceremony. It just was what it was. And I also had the opportunity, one of the Apaches in the group came up, put their hand on my shoulder one day and then said, we have a very special thing. And we’d like, and this is after I had been invited to go to the Sunday sweats, because it was at one of those Sunday sweats that he came to me. And let’s face it guys, I don’t look native
And he puts his hand on my shoulder and he says, Are you familiar with a very special Apache dance where a young woman is ushered into a young lady and is ushered into womanhood? And I said, Yeah, I’m a little familiar with that. He says, Well, we have a young lady who’s doing that. This, you know, whenever it is, he says, we’d be honored to have you. And this is the one where you would have the dancers, and the brain’s gone right now. Hopefully it’ll come back. Wink wink, nudge, nudge Krystal, maybe you can help me out here. But you have the special dolls that you can buy at gift shops and they’re the really cool looking dolls that you get. And they’re Hopi basically. Yeah, well the Apache have them too, just so you know. And I went to that dance and they had the bonafide ones. They didn’t have the tourist ones because you can go to either one of those dances in Arizona and this one you were stopped on the road when you were coming in saying, who invited you?
I told them and they said, Okay, you can come in.
Krystal Jakosky: Okay, fine. We’ll admit you. What I want to know, and I want my listeners to know, what is the purpose or the intention behind the sweat lodges?
Kevin Pennell: Good question. There’s a chapter in the book about that.
Sweat lodge. I attended the sweat lodge basically to– how do I start with this? Sweat lodge is an opportunity for us to bear ourselves to the universe and to cleanse ourselves from whatever is holding spirit back. Black Elk and his nephew, Frank FOLs Crow also had the same thing. And that is that with sweat lodges, you are given the opportunity to bury your soul and to go down deep inside and reveal to you what you need to change. Fools Crow talked about being a hollow bone and there’s a workshop that I’ve done before called Becoming a Hollow Bone. And interestingly enough, to me it’s also one of those central truths like love because the Dalai Lama talks about becoming, believe it or not, he uses the term becoming a hollow tube. But the hollow bone is just simply this.
That you get rid of the stuff that’s inside that bone to allow more spirit to come through that’s unobstructed. And to give the analogy, they give the example of a plumbing pipe that if it gets clogged, the water can’t get through and you have to unplug it. And so the Sweat lodge is one of the vehicles that can be used to help rid ourselves of the stuff that’s within our being, within our bones that will help spirit to come through better. That’s one of the parts. But in most cases it’s an opportunity to be cleansing and beautiful. That’s what’s done. And that’s another piece that I was taught if you want to have a sweat lodge. I was honored in being able to be taught how to do a sweat lodge and I’ve poured a few sweat lodges.
The way that I would do a sweat lodge was somebody would come up to me, and this is how Kenny taught me and others chimed in with the same thing, is that you come up to me, you give me tobacco, and you give me a reason why. And I’m not trying to be a jerk, but if somebody comes up to me and says, Oh, I want to have a sweat lodge because I want to know what it’s like. No, why do you want it? It’s like the same question, Do you know who you are?
If you give me a good reason or if you give that elder a good reason and tobacco, there’s your way. And typically what I did was somebody would give tobacco or somebody would give Kenny tobacco and he’d say, Give me a few days to talk with the spirits. And that’s what you do. And my thing was, he taught me if I wait three times to come back through. And the third time it affirms that. In fact, if the third time doesn’t come at a certain length of time, then it ain’t going to happen. It’s just not meant to be. It doesn’t mean that you can’t have a sweat, it just means that I’m not supposed to be the one to do it. Or maybe you’re not supposed to have one. So there’s no money exchanged, it’s just your gift of tobacco. That’s the way I was taught. And you typically break bread afterward too. There’s a lot more to it than that. Does that answer the question?
Krystal Jakosky: No, it’s a fantastic answer and I very much appreciate it because it literally brings everything back to intention and spirituality and being connected with source, being connected with the universe, being connected with spirit, whatever that phrase is that works for you. So Native Americans, indigenous people, some people are going to do sweat lodges, and that is how they connect with that spirit. And other people are going to go to organized religion. That is where they have that connection with that higher power that brings them the peace and joy that they need. It all works for everyone depending on where you’re at and what you are seeking and what fills your heart and gives you the answers that you need in that moment. And so I love the intention behind it. I love the purpose behind it. It’s I am seeking, or I would like to connect or I need this, and because I need that, I am going to seek for answers. I’m going to seek healing. I am going to find somebody who can help me move forward and be better in my life than I already am right now. So thank you for that answer. Thank you for sharing.
Kevin Pennell: Part of it is, the magic word that you used is something I used with students when I teach not only workshops, but when I teach in massage school and when I teach whatever, intention is key. Intention is critical. So it doesn’t matter what you’re doing, you need to look at the reason behind it. Yeah. And you need to really say, Am I doing this for the right reasons? What’s my intention? What am I really engulfing in this? What am I really putting into this? What kind of energy am I putting into this? Yeah. And if you’re working with someone, side note massage therapy is, is if you don’t have the intention when you’re talking with somebody, or excuse me, when you’re working with someone and you’re doing the massage with someone, you’re doing the body work with someone, any of the stuff that we’re talking about, even if you’re doing counseling or if you’re doing anything like that, and if your mind is not totally focused with good intention with that person, don’t think for a second that they won’t feel it.
You don’t have to say it. Words don’t have to express what’s really going on. And if we’re human, we’re going to do this, but if my brain is on, well, geez, I wish this interview would get done because I’ve got other things to do. If I let that intention come out in that, going back to the little three globes I had, and if your higher self picks up on that, guess what? You say, Okay, that’s good. See ya. And I never hear from you again. But it’s the side. The other side of that is if you’re a body worker and you are totally committed to this person and you’re not thinking about your rent, you’re not thinking about, Oh geez, this is this person again. And you’re not thinking about, Oh, what am I going to do this weekend?
And if you’re not, you know, all the little thought monkeys coming in and if you’re not sidetracked by all that, guess what? They know it. They know when you are connected to them. And then the magic really happens because they say, Wow, I don’t know what this is that you’ve just done with me as far as a massage is concerned, or whatever the case may be, but it’s the most fantastic, most beautiful, most awesome experience. And I will come back and you say, Okay, great. And I will, It’s just magical when you do that because people want that. I was talking earlier today with someone and they said, You know what people are starving for right now. I mean, we’re doing this on a podcast, we’re doing this on YouTube, but they really miss being together. Actually touching each other. And it’s that communication that is so important. But anyway, ramble on intention next.
Krystal Jakosky: No, you’re good. I’ve also noticed for me personally, I have done ti massage, meaning I am a trained ti massage therapist. And so I have often found that when I am in it, and this goes for, I mean, you brought out massage therapy, but I think that this goes for almost any action that we’re doing. If you focus on the action that you’re doing and you are really in it, I am cutting these vegetables and I’m getting the same size. I’m sanding wood, I’m chopping wood, I’m working on a client. If you focus on that and let everything else go, it actually becomes a meditation. One of my favorite things was to be working and losing my mind in what I was doing and having that intentionality and the fluidity because I was just present in that moment. And that presence is what brought me peace, is what brought me more energy to continue with the rest of my day. And so intention, the presence and things are completely different. So Kevin, what are you doing now?
Kevin Pennell: I’m talking with you. You ask, I mean.
Krystal Jakosky: Like these days, I mean you and I could shop talk forever, you guys, I’m telling you Kevin and I could do a year’s worth of podcast and probably not touch on the same subject twice. And that’s fantastic to find such a gift like that. So I sincerely thank you for having me on your A Better Life podcast. And then I really thank you for being here because I really wanted to talk about the native way of life and their love for the earth and their connection to the world around us, because I think it is so absolutely beautiful. I feel that draw and it is one of those things that speaks peace and joy to my heart with all of the other things that we have talked about, but not necessarily on this podcast. What else are you into these days? Like what else are you doing in life?
Kevin Pennell: Well, I do have to share one other little thought with Native American stuff. It just came to me and I would just want to honor that, that if you are a person listening to this, watching this, and if you’re being drawn in that direction, be you white or be you native. And if you are drawn in that direction and you start to seek out someone, know this, that eventually, if you’re doing it for the right reasons, with the right intentions, it goes back to the old saying, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. But at the same token, when you find that teacher or where you find that person, you don’t just run right out and give them tobacco right on the spot. No, just take your time, go slow. Take it to somebody who has been there. Oh dear. You know, I want everything and I want it right now. Because that’s the way you do stuff, right? No, take your time. Be patient would be one key word. Another key word to keep in mind is love, trust, and thankfulness.
Honor sharing, caring, giving, loving. That’s the ones that I’m trying to run in my brain. But that’s what we would say all the time to love, to share, to care, to give. We’re coming up on a season called, of course, Thanksgiving. And I have a podcast coming up that’s going to be on the Thanksgiving address. And if you have an opportunity to look up on Google or listen to the podcast, it doesn’t matter to me. It really doesn’t. What’s most important to me is that you look and find the Thanksgiving address. It was as it was delivered by the Iroquois people. Because it’s beautiful. When I did it the other day, I got emotional. It just really hit my heart when I would listen to my really good friend Mike Douglas giving that information to me. He was the main preventative skill school.
Hope you don’t mind my sharing that. But, thankfulness is so important to be thankful for the air that we breathe. Be thankful for the life that we have. Be thankful that we are old because we could have died young. Be thankful for the simple little things. Be thankful for the person in your life. Be thankful for the people in your life. So what am I doing now? Well, I am enjoying doing podcasts. You’re talking about being focused on stuff. People really, my partner can’t believe it about how I can sit down with my audition software and I can spend hours editing. You can share that information with Avery. I can just go away. I mean, hours will go by and I’m just sitting here going on.
Yeah. But I’m such a big picture person and yet at the same time I can be very detail oriented when I need to be. In Native traditions sometimes that’s referred to as mouse medicine. But anyway, so I do my podcast, I do some instruction, I do some workshops. I am a massage therapist who sees people here in Asheville, North Carolina, Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, I have people ask, even if you’re a massage therapist and your listener watching this, and some people will ask me, Well, how many massages do you do a day? And I typically am going to do two to four, and that’s my happy place. Yeah. Could I do six? Yeah, I could, but I wouldn’t last. I’ve been doing body work of some level or another for about 22 years, and it can be done.
So I do the massage, I do podcasting. I walk in nature. I love to get out and about. I just like being when I can. Through our other conversations, Krystal knows that we’re into cars a little bit. And I do have another podcast called the Driving Experience. I’m really into BMWs, and racing. I used to race, but I don’t race anymore. Just because, you know, I’m not going to say I won’t because I don’t know, but I just like to live an active life. We are currently living in a senior community while we wait for our house to be built. And we tried this for a while and, Krystal, we can’t do it. And I’m not putting anything down, but I, I cannot be that old person.
Just can’t do that. Nope. Just can’t. You’re not ready. No. And, I don’t know that I ever will be. There was a teacher who taught, she was actually responsible forTrigger Point Therapy, and her name was Janet Trave. And Janet continued her work as a massage therapist and, and doctor up until about three to four months before she died at the ripe old age of 96. Oh, wow. I intend to beat her record. So I gotta go good. But just stay active. And if you’re older and if you’re a senior and you feel like, Oh man, I just know, just stop doing what you’re doing and go out for a walk in the woods, bathe in the woods.
And no, don’t take a tub with you for crying out loud. I’m talking about being one with the forest. But, you know, be active. Get around young people and, and just be and enjoy life because that’s what we’re here for. We’re here to learn. We’re here to be filled with joy. We’re here for contentment. And I mean, if you look at the Dalai Lama that still does live things on occasion, and I saw something the other day and I realized he’s pushing 90 years old. And you look at him and he’s still smiling and he’s still going around and he’s still happy and he’s not dejected, he’s not down. So yeah, let us see. What else do I do?
I build things. I stay active and I let my brain stay active.
Krystal Jakosky: In all of that activity, in all of the things that you’re doing and loving and enjoying, what is your favorite or most unique?
Kevin Pennell: Geez.
Krystal Jakosky: Activity for self care.
Kevin Pennell: Oh, good one. Yay. Wow.
Krystal Jakosky: I don’t know what you thought I was going to ask.
Kevin Pennell: You know, I didn’t. What’s your favorite one? Oh God. No.
Krystal Jakosky: No. What’s your favorite, what’s your favorite way to take care of yourself and rebuild, regenerate? Because you’re doing a lot. You’re out and you’re functioning. What do you do for you?
Kevin Pennell: I will answer this with a line that I’ve used for years. It’s four words, go with the flow. What I mean by that is, today I missed my run and I missed my walk. Because I’m doing two podcasts. One I did, and one I’m being done. What was that?
So I could get all upset about that or I could look at this as an opportunity for me. Because that’s what this has been. Yeah. You know, I’m sharing with Krystal and this is me time, this is what I want to do. But the rest of that part is for self care, and I’ve taught, and I have a workshop that I do with this, but self care is one of the biggest things for self care is awareness.
Krystal Jakosky: Yeah.
Kevin Pennell: You know what’s missing? So I might fill that void with going out for a walk in the woods. I might fill that void with doing some Tai Chi and Chiang. I might start to do the ch style 48 and I might get through half of it and start saying, Oh, I’m good with this. Yeah. And you know, I want to go with the flow to what generates within me, the sense of being me and no one else. And if you look at that book that I wrote, one of the things that came up in that book was, I am a chameleon. True, true story. Or I have been where, because of my background, and this will really spin us off and I’m not gonna go there but because of the way I was brought up a long time in a residence or a place or a community was two years when I was growing up, two years mostly it was like 18 months on average.
Wow. And we moved and it was no regrets, not upset, no problems. But it’s funny because what that taught me to do is how to connect with people like that. And I could make a connection. I could get that. But in order to do that, I had to be like them. Listen to that. I had to be like them, not like me, like them. Why? Because in the way that I thought, it made me more comfortable around them because I’m like them. But then is when I really got the message that Kenny was trying to ask me years and years and years before, Kevin, who do you think you are? Who are you? And I went, Wow. And that’s when the change really happened. And people say, Geez, would you do that again? I said, I would try to avoid it like the bubonic plague, but I don’t regret a bit of it because I had to go through that. I had to do that change. So back the to question, what do you do for self care? I listen to the still small voice in my heart. When I used to, when I’ve signed off on my books before, I would say something to the effect of, let your heart and spirit guide you because they’ll never let you down.
Let your heart and your spirit guide you because they will never let you down your heart, your spirit, not the other persons, but listen to your heart within and go with that. And once you get that message, you can maybe find that what you want to do today for self-care is meditate. I do that. I can meditate for a few minutes or I can meditate for two hours. I’ve done both. I can go down that road and we’re not going to go there, but you know, meditate, Tai chi, Chiang Reiki. I can get lost doing massages. That can be, believe it or not, be my self care, giving a massage. And of course receiving a massage because that is also self care. But you’ve got to take care of yourself. If you don’t take care of yourself, no one else is going to.
Krystal Jakosky: You are, you are echoing so many things that I already say and I absolutely love it. It’s like these gigantic exclamation points coming down saying hello. Hey guys, remember self care is the conscious and intentional act of taking care of your own needs. And it could change from day to day. It does not matter. What matters is that you are letting your heart and your spirit be your guide because they’re not going to be false to you.
I mean it’s like bam boo. Yeah. Bring it on. Meditation, you know, meditation is the moment that you tune out the world and tune into yourself. You tune into the breathing, you tune into the moment and you let everything else go.
Kevin Pennell: I think one of the things you should do with part of the self care is change it up. Don’t try to do the same thing every day. Because if you do the same thing every day, it becomes a habit. And before you know it, a habit becomes a rut and you are only different, you know, do you know the only difference between the rut and a grave? Both ends are knocked out. That’s the only difference when a rut and a grave is where you haver both ends knocked out.
Krystal Jakosky: Wow. Okay guys, let’s stay out of the ruts. I have one more question for you Kevin. You’ve already given us a really good one. So who are you is a great journaling question. I love to leave all of my listeners with a journaling prompt or a question that they can think about and really answer. And who you are is amazing. Is there another one that you can think of that you would love to encourage people to explore?
Kevin Pennell: What have you done for self care for yourself today?
Krystal Jakosky: Okay. Just today.
Kevin Pennell: For the whole week?
Krystal Jakosky: It doesn’t have to be huge. It’s one little thing today.
Kevin Pennell: What have you done for yourself today?
Krystal Jakosky: I have, I have loved having you here. I have loved chit chatting with you. I really hope that everybody out there listening has enjoyed listening to us as well, and that you’ve been inspired and that you are leaving this session of this podcast uplifted and smiling. I am. I love Kevin. I love just the way that it’s so free and easy to talk with you. How do people find you and are there any last tidbits of wisdom or words of knowledge that you would like to share with people?
Kevin Pennell: So I would say first you can contact me through my website, which is toward better life.com. If you want to reach out to me, just write to me at email@example.com. I am available to do consultations and stuff like that from time to time. I haven’t mentioned that, but I do, I have done that and I will be more than happy to do it. so that’s the two easiest ways to do it. You know, if I go into phone numbers and stuff. When we get acquainted, you can have my phone number and we can text. That’s fine. Yeah.The easiest thing is toward better life.com and Kevin toward better life.com. And that’s an email and the website. That’s the easiest way to do this. And if you’re in the western North Carolina area and you’re looking for a massage, you can still do the same thing. I’ll just direct you to who to contact to get a massage. I think I would leave people just with those same simple words that if I can get them again in my head properly, and that is listen to your heart and spirit because they won’t let you down.
Krystal Jakosky: Amen. Oh, thank you so much for being here today. Thank you for sharing with me and starting my day off so beautifully. So Right. Thank you.
Kevin Pennell: Thank you. Pleasure’s all mine. We’ll do this again.
I hope this moment of self care and healing brought you some hope and peace. I’m Krystal Jacosky on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube. And I hope you check us out and follow along for more content coming soon. I look forward to being with you again here on Breathe in. Breathe out. Until next time, take care.
Think meditation is hard? Do me a favor, take a slow deep breath in and now breathe out. Congratulations, you just meditated. Hi, I’m Krystal Jakosky, and this is Breathe In, Breathe Out: a Weekly Mindfulness and Meditation podcast for anyone ready to own their own shit and find a little peace while doing it.
Hello. Welcome back to Breathe In, Breathe Out. I’m Krystal Jakosky and this week is just story time. I’ve had people come to the beam and bell, which is where I operate and do the majority of my work. And they always ask me about the space and how it came to be. And it’s a little bit of a story and I just thought, why not share it? So, uh, this might be a little bit longer of a podcast, and I hope that if you need to stop it because you’ve gotten where you need to go, you come back and listen to the rest. Um, because it is a story. It is definitely a story. When my kids were graduating from high school, I knew that I needed to get ahead of the game and make sure that I had a focus, and a purpose because oftentimes when a mom has focused and dedicated her life to her family and her kids, once the kids leave, you have this empty nesting syndrome and you struggle because the thing that was your purpose is no longer your purpose.
They have moved on. They don’t need you like they used to need you. And your partner is often still working. So you’re left with now. What, and I didn’t wanna be in that space. I was really concerned that I would get into that space and, and, um, end up depressed because I have dealt with depression in the past, and I am very aware of my triggers and what causes me to spiral. So I knew that finding a purpose, finding a drive, finding a reason, um, or a hobby or something to keep me going afterward would be very beneficial. And one day I was sitting in my meditation room. And as you guys know, I don’t necessarily sit in quiet meditation. I was playing with a little sand. I had a mini sand garden and I was just kind of playing with it. And, and I said to the universe, I would really like to know what my purpose is.
What’s my path? And I very distinctly heard this unbelievably beautiful, full masculine belly laugh. I heard it like you hear my voice right now. And I was surprised by it. And this voice said, do not say that if you are not ready and that shocked me. And I said, okay, fine. maybe, maybe I’m not quite ready to know what my path is. Maybe I’m not quite ready to really dive into this. Now I have listened to this voice. I’d been listening to this voice for 15 years. So I knew to trust it. I had been introduced to it during a very difficult time in my life earlier and had built up this trust and respect because I knew it as higher power and a spirit guide that would not steer me wrong. They always had my best interest at heart. So when I heard that laugh and that do not ask if you’re not ready, I was scared.Read More
So a preacher could touch the arm of one of the patrons at the church. I was not allowed to touch my clients, hold their hands when they were crying, or wipe a tear when they were struggling. So I said, I’m ready. I wanna know. All of a sudden I knew that I was going to massage therapy school. I knew that this was the next step in my path. And, that would give me the license to touch my clients, the license, to help people. And up until now, I hadn’t really called them my clients because they were my friends. They were people who were inspired to come to me and ask for help. And so I just shared with them what I knew and I didn’t charge them. It was just, yeah, I love you. I wanna help you. And I’ve learned this thing and maybe this thing can help you. So why not just let’s do it and see if, if it benefits you the way it benefited me, trial and error, really. That was my training ground for working with and teaching people. So then I went to massage therapy school and in massage therapy school, I was thrown deep into the beauty of anatomy and physiology and how our muscles and bones and our body systems work along with the energetics behind it, our chakras, our send lines, the energy that is moving through and around and with us in every,
Every single aspect of our day. And along with that, I was also further solidifying my connection with my spirit guides and higher power and all of those energies that were swirling around me already. I learned so much and I was in love with learning. I learned about oils and Reiki and reflexology and shiatsu and time massage. I ended up going to Thailand and learning from a beautiful woman there, all about the intention behind your movements and the connection that you have with that body there and how beautiful a meditation it is to walk through and help open them up and help heal them from the physical tightness that was there into this fluidity and connection with their bodies. As I was doing massage therapy school, I was also introduced to crystals from outside teachers. And I learned from a couple of shamans and I just, teachers were suddenly thrown at me and just appearing in my face in my field, in my just area of being, I was constantly meeting and hearing about these beautiful people that could help me and teach me and serve me so that I could then serve others. So I continually learned about this and, and grew my toolbox. And as I grew my toolbox, I also ended up with more. People were drawn and I continued working on my training ground. And I was teaching these people, things that I had learned so that they could then move further and do more. I expanded my own knowledge
And I learned that I was helping people find their voice. This was my tagline for a very long time. I help people who have lost their voice, find it because it was often people who had dimed their light and quieted their own voice and their own needs in the name of others. And after they worked with me, they were more strong. They were more confident. They had self of worth, and they were excited to move forward in their lives. So as I graduated from massage therapy school, my husband and I sat down and it was what was next on my journey. What’s next. And both of us had the feeling that I needed to be teaching larger groups, not necessarily the one-on-one. Yes, one-on-one and us one on one and more. So I sat down and I asked my guides,
What does this look like? And I was given this vision of a place that had very mature trees. It had water running through it. It had a space for me to work separate from the space that I lived in, and it was healing and beautiful. There was room, there was a beautiful garden there. And I just, it was so vivid. I could feel the greenery. I could feel the water. I could feel the sun on my face. And I knew that that was where we needed to be. So we looked and looked and looked in the state that we lived in at the time, but we couldn’t find it. My husband finally said you know what? We could find this in Colorado. We need to move home. I call Colorado home because I’ve been here the longest of any place I’ve lived in my life. I’ve now been here for over 22 years.
And this is where my chosen family, my family is. And I, I feel grounded here. I feel centered and relaxed here. And I looked at him and I said, then let’s move home. And we both cried. Now at this point, I thought this is gonna be easy. I’ve already got the vision. I know what the place is gonna look like. Now, all we gotta do is find it, on Zillow. We get it, we just gotta find it. Right, boy, howdy. This was a challenge for months. We were looking on Zillow for months. We were hoping to find it and it just was not happening. And I was losing hope. I was very discouraged, very upset, and very frustrated. And my husband started looking at convention centers, places where we could hold larger groups and that we could teach larger groups. And he came across a beautiful bed and breakfast and he came and he was looking at the bed and breakfast and spending time here.
And I was very frustrated because I wanted my space, the bed and breakfast didn’t have it had trees and it had running water, but it didn’t have the home where I needed to live along with the space where I needed to teach people. One day, he was out here in Colorado and I was in the other state. And I had given up, I had told the universe, I am done. I’m not gonna look at Zillow anymore. I’m tired of trying to find it. If it’s supposed to happen, you need to bring it to me. you need to bring it to me. And, and I did not look at Zillow for months. And then one day I’m chopping vegetables for dinner. And this voice that I know very well said, you need to check Zillow. And I laughed at it. Belly laughed right back at you and said, I told you, I’m done with Zillow. I’m not looking don’t even, that’s not even funny. Don’t and this was a Thursday afternoon at four o’clock.
And the voice came again. No, really you gotta look at Zillow. And I was like, fine. So I pulled, I stopped chopping vegetables and I pulled up Zillow. And on Zillow was this home that had literally just been posted. It had this beautiful ditch running through it, and huge mature trees. It had a building where I could do my work. It had a house separate from that building. It had everything that was in my vision, everything. So I sent that to Jay and Jay looked at it and he called the realtor and he said, I need to see this place. Now, Jay was scheduled to come home the next day at noon, he needed to see this place by nine o’clock or he would not make his flight come back. So he called up his realtor and the realtor said, that’s not on the market.
It doesn’t exist. And Jay said, well, Zillow says it is so figure it out. So our realtor asked who the listing agent was and he said, I know her, I’m gonna give her a call. So he gives her a call and she said, the people are not ready to show it. They won’t be ready until Saturday. And he said, well, I have a client that’s leaving tomorrow morning and they really wanna see the property. So can you make it work long story short? My husband was seeing the property the next morning at 9:00 AM. And he drove over the bridge that I saw in my vision. And as driving over that bridge, he hadn’t even seen the house. And he knew that this was where we were supposed to be. We knew without a doubt that we had found a home where the capital H this is where we were gonna settle down.
This was our peaceful place, this, mm. This was a gift. So we put an offer in, and it was under contract before the four sale sign went up outside. So we moved on and we’re here. And we’re both just blown away by the fact that we found it. It was months of searching and frustration and upset. And we finally found it like, we’re here. Can you believe it? And then we found out that there were problems. There were issues. Things had been built and permits. Hadn’t been pulled. There were people living on the property that wasn’t supposed to be, which meant that we had illegal living spaces. And then we had to fix that. And the hoops we had to go through red tape, we had to go through in order to get approval, to have the business on the property approval, to be able to operate here, and to make things the way they were supposed to be was an emotional roller coaster.
I was, there were so many times I was this little kid, just fists clenched by my sides, stomping on the ground, throwing a temper tantrum because I was so frustrated. I had the vision. I had the dream. I knew this was, where we were supposed to be. Why is it taking so long? Why is this so hard? Because this is not fair. I know it’s supposed to be, I know what’s right. Why? Well, we jumped through hoops. We fought the fight. We corrected all of the issues so that we were in good standing. They recognized that we were willing to work with the rules and the guidelines of the county and whatnot. So they finally helped us pave the way so that we could continue with the dream. Now, one of the buildings was built without a permit. We either had to bring it up to code, or we had to tear it down and rebuild it .
So we sat there with it. We asked ourselves which one we wanted to do. We got quotes and it was pretty dang close to the same price to rebuild as it would’ve been to just try to bring the old one up to code. So we decided to rebuild. And in rebuilding, as they tore the old building down, they came to us and said, this place should have burned down at least 10 times over. We cannot tell you there was no foundation. The electrical wiring was very scary, and sketchy. It was scary. And now we were gonna have this new positive, healthy, solid, Hmm. The commercial building was built exactly the way we wanted it built for the purposes that we wanted it there with the new energy that would be in the building, the healing intention put behind every choice for every finish. I designed that building. I saw what it was supposed to be.
I drew it out and it’s amazing. And when people walk into that building, the first thing they say is, oh, it feels so good in here. I love it when people say that because yeah, I designed it, but I wasn’t the one that I, I, I was told what it was supposed to be. I just followed the guidance that I had already been given. This is where you’re supposed to be. This is what it’s supposed to do. These are how you’re, you know, you need gigantic windows that will look out on the gardens. When I started working with the company to do the gardens, it was . It was just another fabulous challenge because I knew what I wanted. I knew I wanted a raking garden. I wanted yin yang. I wanted a labyrinth that people could meditate with. I wanted a fire pit.
I wanted a pergola kind of thing. And I wanted a tea house. There were specific things that I knew that the garden was supposed to have. And when I showed them pictures, cuz I had a dream book when I showed them pictures of the walkway. When I showed them pictures of the labyrinth, three different landscaping companies told me that I was nuts and that that was not possible. It could not be done. And I should just pick something different again, this little girl that just wanted to fight for what I knew was right. The way it was supposed to be was like, no, I’m gonna make it happen. So one summer my siblings and their kids came into town. We cleared ground and we leveled this space and we washed literally over 10 tons of rock because we needed to wash it so that it would be clean and the glue would stick to it so that it would hold it together and be able to do this walkway or do the labyrinth the way that I wanted it to do.
We worked so hard that summer, we would wake up at 6:00 AM and we, all of us together, we were so happy and we had so much fun. We were singing and harmonizing and just joyful. And we would stop at two o’clock when it was getting really, really hot. And we would all just take a break and enjoy the afternoon. We’d play in the water in the ditch or whatever we wanted. However, we wanted to enjoy and play. And then we would get it up and get up and do it all again. The next day it was, it is a summer that I to this day would love to repeat. It was so much work and yet it was so much fun. The connection, the joy, warm heart, warm memories, and just, I, yeah, that was an amazing thing. And after that, a couple of those landscaping companies came by and they asked me if I found somebody to do my labyrinth.
And if I, they found somebody to do my walkway and I would tell them, no, I don’t have anybody to do the rest of the gardens either yet. And they would look at the garden. They would look at the labyrinth that we had already done. The grass that we had laid and the walkway in between and their jaws would drop and say, I didn’t think you could do that. I really didn’t think you could do that. But I knew I could because I’d had the vision and I knew what it was supposed to be. Eventually, we got another company and that company took all of my input, recognized my vision, and then helped build the garden the way that it is today. That doesn’t mean that there weren’t hiccups. I was very insistent on having the red stones that are there and the other person thought, well, maybe we should add Moss rock instead.
And I said, no, I want what I want. So I was very intentional on so many things. And yet that person gave me the gift of the Groo. I hadn’t even thought of the Groo. And now the Groo is this safe, protected space that has the fountains right out front. And I can sit in that grotto, turn the fountains on. And it’s so peaceful. It’s so calming. One of my friends said this is a place where you just wanna spill your guts. you can go up into the Treehouse, which is in grandmother Willow. And that tree has a story of its own, but you go up into the Treehouse and there’s this net and the net is right over the water. So you can lay in this cargo net and you can let the water just wash all of your tears or your stress, or your worries away.
Looking up into the canopy, listening to the wind, rustling through the branches, and knowing that you’re cradled, you’re safe and everything is perfect at that moment. There are so many spaces in that garden that bring me peace just depends. Day, one day I may really want the labyrinth and the labyrinth in and of itself. You can walk it in shoes, go for it, enjoy it. It’ll give you stability on your feet. You can also walk barefoot and sometimes you’re gonna step on a really smooth rock that is fantastic with pressure on the right parts of your foot and give you a little bit of reflexology treatment. And sometimes you’re gonna step on a shark pokey rock, which is just like life. Sometimes it is smooth and wonderful. And sometimes you have those uncomfortable moments where you’re, uh, that was not fun. that was a little painful.
And yet you walk that entire labyrinth. You have that question before you start, you meditate on that question. And when you get into that middle, you have an answer and you just gotta sit with that answer and that gift, as long as you want, I went to this special rock shop up in Estes Park and I picked out stones that needed to be in the middle of that labyrinth. And I sat with each stone and I asked, is this the stone that needs to be there? There’s a stone representing every single chakra going all the way up. You can lay on those stones and just feel the cleansing, feel the peace. And again, you’re laying there and you’re looking up through the canopy of protective Grandmother Willow saying, I’ve got you. It’s really cool because in the winter, even when it’s a lot of snow, the labyrinth rarely has snow on it.
The tree doesn’t have leaves on it, but the labyrinth is clear so that you can go walk it. You can go enjoy it. You can go breathe and sit at the moment, losing yourself in the R garden. I’ve had all sorts of things drawn in there to pull the rake and watch designs just appear behind you, whether you’re doodling and playing, or you’re very intentional about what you want it to look like afterward, there’s something soothing in the impermanence of it. There’s something calming about your bare feet. Taking each step in the sand before the rake erases them, leaving a design. And right next to the RA garden is this gong that I got. When I went to Thailand to learn massage therapy, I went, the teacher’s husband asked me, what’s your purpose in being here? And I said, well, I wanna learn Thai massage.
And I want a gong. And he said, oh, he was so excited. Cuz he really wanted to go shopping with me. We found this gong that’s four or five feet. It’s huge. This gong is huge. And if you stand behind the gong and somebody hits the belly, it goes right through your heart chakra and just radiates out. It cleanses. It feels so good. And so grounding opens your heart up and brings in joy. I love watching people’s faces go from uncertainty to thrilled when they feel that vibration shaking through and cleansing off, shake off all those cobwebs and all that. The clouds, there are so many parts of the garden that I love. I don’t love anyone more than another. There are some days that I’m drawn to one place more than another, but I love them all equally to sit in the tea house and be protected and have the sun come in, make yourself a cup of tea, color, draw, play with the bowls that we have. You can hear the wind every now and then the wind will be absolutely crazy outside, but you’re in the tea house and you just get to listen to it and you’re protected and safe and it’s cozy and wonderful. I love the space that’s here. It has become a space where the community can gather we’ve had celebrations. We’ve had a couple of funerals. We’ve had classes and seminars.
Everyone talks about how peaceful it is. Everyone talks about what a gift, the energy that is here is. And I know that this property was just waiting for Jay and me to come and pour our hearts into it so that it could thrive and be of space where people could come and drop their burdens and pick up hope and joy. I don’t know all the details of where it’s gonna go. I don’t know how it will evolve. I do know that it is absolutely perfect right here right now. And I love sharing it with people. I love having clients and people come to see what transformation can happen for them too because this property has gone through transformations. This property has been here forever. The native Americans would come through on their journeys from one resting point to another, all the way to settlers, and then hear and us and Jay and I being able to be the stewards of this land.
This land will live on long after Jay and I are gone. And yet the gift, the blessing, the peace that it is right here right now. I’m just thrilled to be a part of it. If you’d like to see pictures, go to my website, crystal kowski.com and check it out. We’ve also done spotlights through our musings. You can find those on the blog. You can also go to YouTube @krystaljakosky. There’s a time-lapse in creating the gardens. And while it doesn’t have everything, you’ll be able to see some beauty as it transforms from one thing to another. I’m thrilled to share it. I thank you for listening. I hope you enjoyed my storytime of how I brought my dream to life and not just my dream, but my vision. Take care of yourself. And I look forward to having you back here again next week on Breathe In, Breathe Out.
I hope this moment of self-care and healing brought you some hope and peace. I’m @krystaljakosky on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube and I hope you check us out and follow along for more content coming soon. I look forward to being with you again here on Breathe In, Breathe Out. Until next time, take care.