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85: Understanding Your 3 Main Causes of Upset

Werner Erhard identified three main causes of upset.

💬 Undelivered Communication
💬 Unmet Expectations
💬 Thwarted Intentions

Understanding the concepts and applying them in daily communication helps alleviate frustration and ensure you’re on the same page with those around you. Romantic, familial, or professional – every single area in your life can benefit. To learn more about each one, tune into this week’s episode of Breathe In, Breathe out!

Think meditation is hard. Do me a favor, take a slow, deep breath in, and now breathe out. Congratulations, you just meditated. Hi, I’m Krystal Jacosky, and this is Breathe In. Breathe out a weekly mindfulness and meditation podcast for anyone ready to own their own shit and find a little peaceful while doing it.  

Krystal Jakosky:   Welcome back to Breathe In, Breathe Out. I’m Krystal Jacosky and I’m really excited to share this week’s episode with you. I first met Kevin Pinnell when I was a guest on his podcast, which is Award A Better Life. It was such a delightful experience. We had so many things in common that I really wanted to bring him on my podcast so that we could talk about the indigenous people. Kevin began his journey with the indigenous people of North America in the early nineties. He met Ken two feathers early on in that journey, and Ken Two Feathers became more than Kevin’s teacher. They had a wonderful friendship. And 10 years into that friendship, Kevin wrote the book, Two Feathers, Spiritual Seed Planter as Kevin Laughing Hawk, which addressed two feathers life and Native American spirituality. There is so much more to his experience and his life. This is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. We’re going to talk about some of the keynotes of Kevin’s experience. I really hope that you enjoy listening as much as I enjoyed having him on my podcast. Hello, and welcome back to Breathe In, Breathe Out. I’m Krystal Jakosky, your host, and I am so excited to have Kevin on our show today. Kevin Cannell, welcome.  

Kevin Pennell:    Thank you. Great to be here. This is awesome. I’ve switched roles for a change. I’m not a host. I’m actually a guest. 

Krystal Jakosky:    Oh, isn’t that fun? When you get to switch it up a little bit. Kevin and I have actually been recording right now because whenever we have the opportunity to chat, Kevin and I go off on so many different tangents and so many different realms, and it’s because we are both interested in so many different things. We are always looking for something new to learn or something new to teach, which means that we have a plethora of things that we can talk about and go down rabbit hole after rabbit hole after rabbit hole. So we’re going to make an effort to keep this a little shorter, meaning not four hours long, because we could talk for hours.

Kevin Pennell:    We’re going to try to focus.  

Krystal Jakosky:    We’re going to give it the college try, you know, the good college. Not the one where you smoke pot for the first four years and then decide to do college. We’re going to actually try to focus. Welcome to my world today. Kevin, tell us a little bit about yourself, who you are and what brought you to my podcast studio.  

Kevin Pennell:    Oh my goodness. Well, if you got about two or three hours, hang in there. It’s just actually been about a year ago that I decided, I’m going to try doing a podcast because for 35 years off and on, I was in broadcast journalism and radio. So I just have a lot of fun with it. And I published a book, worked on a couple of other books, and did some magazine articles. I love to write, but for whatever reason, the publisher just wasn’t impressed. Okay, this is great, but you’re not going to publish it. It’s good stuff, but we’re not going to publish it. And I’m going, Yeah, fine, whatever. And I realized part of writing is you have to be able to accept a little two letter word called no.  

Oh, that’s standard procedure. And I just, in one of those moments, I said, you know, I did broadcast journalism and I did human interest stories for years. I really enjoy doing that, just listening and talking with people about their lives. And literally, I think it was like 3:30 or 4:30 in the morning. That tends to be what I call my spirit time. Some of the most significant little truths that I’ve ever had. The title for the book that I wrote came to me in the middle of the night. And when I wrote that book, I wrote it from five o’clock in the morning until 6:30 every day until I got done with it. But that’s my spirit time. This time it came through as you need to do a podcast called Toward a Better Life.  

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Think meditation is hard? Do me a favor, take a slow deep breath in and now breathe out. Congratulations, you just meditated. Hi, I’m Krystal Jakosky, and this is Breathe In, Breathe Out: a Weekly Mindfulness and Meditation podcast for anyone ready to own their own shit and find a little peace while doing it.

Welcome back to Breathe In, Breathe Out. I’m your host, Krystal Jakosky and I’m just loving being in the podcast studio. It brings me so much joy. I don’t know, talking to the void and yet knowing that people are listening is, is it’s just fun. It’s just fun. So thank you for letting me be a part of your journey today. And I hope you’re having a fantastic day. And if not, I hope that you’re doing what you need to bring yourself a little bit of joy, get a little self-care, and improve the state that you’re in today. I would like to talk about the causes of upset. These were identified by Warner Erhardt and they are unbelievably helpful when you yourself are upset and frustrated to be able to stop and check in to find out what is it that I need and how do I shift up?  

How do I change my situation? And these are a gift. The first one is undelivered communication. The second one is unmet expectations. And the third one has thwarted intentions. And if you know me, there will probably be some story about whatever undelivered communication is. Literally. When you have failed to communicate your needs, your wants your desires, your expectations. It happens when you just simply expect somebody to know what it is that you are thinking and feeling undelivered communication. Unmet expectations are when you have verbalized something, you have asked someone to do something. And yet the expectation that you expressed was not met. Now, sometimes you haven’t delivered the communication on what your expectations were. And so these go hand in hand, you failed to communicate and therefore your expectations were not met. However, it can very much stand on its own, where you have delivered your communication.  

And yet those expectations, you let somebody know, Hey, I expect this. I’m asking you to do this. That does not happen. And then you are upset because it didn’t happen. And the third one is thwarted intentions. This is things do not go as you planned or hoped you intended to create this or experience this or achieve, do a specific thing. And yet it doesn’t happen for one reason or another. Those intentions are thwarted by different external influences in storytime. For me, this is very easily illustrated for you through my pottery that I love and enjoy. I go out, I start throwing or doing a slab, build whatever it is that I’m working on for that moment, I get to be in it. I get to enjoy it. Pottery is a space of peace and tranquility. It is a place where I get to regenerate and give myself time away from all of the other expectations in the world.  

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Breathe In, Breathe Out is a weekly mindfulness and meditation podcast hosted by yours truly, Krystal Jakosky. Each week, we’ll release a brand new lesson or meditation focused on helping you navigate your life by giving YOU the tools to become your own healer.

Breathe In, Breathe Out is available now – wherever you get your podcasts.