The last few months have been full of incredible change. We’ve been updating the website, planning classes, creating merchandise, and fostering new opportunities to connect with even more people.
In the process of creating and expanding this business, I’ve had the chance to really fine tune my message and hone in on my strengths and experiences as a teacher. As you know, I teach people to own their shit. I teach them to stop walking the paths others have placed before them and to create the lives that they want to live.
The difficult part, though, is in order to truly teach others to own their shit, I’ve had to become comfortable owning mine.
This means I’m welcoming vulnerability with open arms. I’m inviting her in for a cup of tea and asking her to stay awhile. She’s not an easy house guest, you see. Vulnerability is messy, uncomfortable, and exhausting. I’ve worked long and hard to keep her out, to push her away. In the process of finding my own strength and understanding of this life and where I stand, I’ve had to wade through a lot of shit. So why should I bring it up and drag it into the open for all to see?
Because while vulnerability can be messy, uncomfortable, and exhausting, she’s also beautiful, rewarding, and real. As a teacher, being vulnerable means connecting with my students on a deeper level. How much more is a lesson integrated into your own life when you know your source truly has the experience to back it up? To share does not mean I have to embody or relive my experiences. These words bring me relief and yet, I’m still uncomfortable and honestly a bit insecure. And then I hear this voice. My beautiful inner guides bringing me peace, reassurance, and insight.
These are the five fundamental truths I’ve come to know about myself.
5. I am a super quick learner – and a great teacher.
In school I would regularly get B’s & C’s which – spoiler alert – wasn’t quite up to expectations. The regular reminder that I “needed to do better” left me feeling like I wasn’t very smart. I’ve since learned that I’m a student of life. A sponge. I soak it all up. And as I live what I just learned, I expand on it by applying ideas in new ways, magnifying the possibilities. I have the ability to relate to others and teach in a compassionate and gentle way. I firmly believe you can not teach anything you yourself have never had the opportunity to experience.
4. I have a lot to give – and need to give just as much to myself.
Along the way I came to believe I was a “taker” – someone that never gave back to those around me. “Trusted sources” in my life affirmed this belief. So, I began giving. What can I do to prove I’m a loving, giving, generous person? How can I help those around me?
I can’t tell you how many times I burned out. I would tirelessly meet the needs of others to prove to myself that I wasn’t the monster I thought I was. That was all bullshit. I still have to remind myself, although less frequently, that it’s okay to take a break, it’s okay to say no, and it’s more than okay to put myself first.
3. I learned to let go of control.
Throughout my childhood, I was surrounded by people struggling to exercise control over their situations and navigate their own lives. This uncertainty resulted in fear, insecurity, and confusion for myself, which only added to the lack of control plaguing everyone else. A vicious, unhealthy, unrecognized cycle that continued long into my adulthood. While there are still absolutely areas I yearn for control, I’m now much better at allowing things to just be, to unfold as they’re meant to.
2. I learned how strong and all-encompassing my emotions can be.
Growing up I was told either to “calm down” or to “pick my head up.” Don’t be too happy. Don’t be too sad. No one wants to see that. The thing about holding in your emotions, though, is that they’re bound to come out eventually – harder, bigger, and faster than ever. I’ve now learned to flow with them. There is no “holding them back.” I self-nurture to understand what I’m feeling and I allow myself to experience the wonderful spectrum of emotions I’m meant to.
1. I’ve learned I am a survivor.
Mental, verbal, and emotional abuse. Rape. Patriarchy. Generational religious bonds. Sexuality and body image. I used to let it all hold me back. I embodied what the authority figures around me told me I was “supposed” to be. Now? I respectfully refuse to endure or condone the disrespectful treatment of my amazing human self. Time, patience, self-ownership, and humility have healed the wounds and left a reminder of strength, hope, and lessons learned.
I hope you’re able to invite vulnerability in for a while. I pray you’re able to see your own strength and growth. Take a moment to find the gifts in the challenges and learn a little more about your inner self.
- When you think of “vulnerability,” what comes to mind?
- When was the last time you truly experienced vulnerability? How did you feel?
- What positive fundamental truths do you absolutely know about yourself?