A million things are going through my head right now. And yet, I think about nothing. I can’t fully explain it. It’s like everything is trivial and I honestly just want to allow it to go blank and rest.
Choosing to own my own shit is a beautiful thing. When I’m low energy, I sit with it and seek to understand why. Is there something I need to help myself through it? Or is it just a temporary emotion my soul wishes to express? Are there words and emotions waiting to be expressed and acknowledged? Or do I simply need a respite from activity to release?
When I have an abundance of energy I do the same thing. Am I living in the moment and enjoying the things around me, or is there an underlying nervous insecurity? Again, is something waiting to be expressed? Or is this moment so perfect I can’t help but be giddy and joyful?
The other morning I woke up on the low side of the energy board. Curled up with my sweetheart in a nice cozy, warm bed, body relaxed and soaking in the nothingness before the day started…I wanted it to last a lifetime. When nature called I felt like a whiny child, whimpering about the inconvenience and annoying need to leave this cocoon of delight. Yet I did it and relished the ability to curl back up and regain that self-care moment of indulgence.
Until my stomach announced another most urgent issue of nourishment.
And so my day started and continued to go.
It was a day of checking in by the moment. What do I need and how can I supply it?
When I shuffled groggily into the kitchen, I asked my body what would best support it. It wanted eggs and toast. My brain wanted chai tea. So I made both and curled up to enjoy the tea slowly as I eased into my day.
It was a day I wanted to push everything away and just be with my thoughts and lack of functioning. While the desire to pause was super strong, I had things requiring my attention that couldn’t be ignored. So, how did I take care of myself while meeting the needs of those around me? How did I put some self-care in between the have-to’s?
It started with creating the intention of self-care and awareness for the day. What could I do in the available moments to make things easier? How could I nurture myself as I so readily nurture others?
As I made my, at the moment, favorite feel-good tea, I started out with music. Something upbeat and familiar. Not too energetic yet staying away from the soothing, relax-myself-back-to-sleep genre. Being in the middle meant it was nudging me out of my cave without jarring me into reality. Music is amazing.
From there it was easier to function. I’d bop my head with this song or stop what I was doing and sing along with another. The simple act of appreciating the songs lifted my mood and energy a bit more.
I would get up and walk around or stretch a little as my body asked for a little movement. Gentle and slow, nice and easy. Not too much yet just enough. When someone asked how I was doing, I let them know I was easing into my day and working with my needs. They would offer support and I sincerely thanked them. I knew my success on the day depended on my ability to listen to my needs and reach out if I needed external help.
Sometimes these days are easy. I’m able to check in and easily answer my personal requests. Other times these days are extremely challenging and I need a lot of external support. I may ask someone else to do a certain task, get lunch, run an errand, etc. I may need to have someone else get the phones while I take a recuperative nap or go for a short walk to clear my head. I may even need a reminder to check in to see what I need. (Even I forget sometimes.)
The thing is, because I know my emotions and thoughts are mine to deal with, these days are tremendously different. Before I owned my shit, I may have woken up and been cranky right off the bat. I’d be irritable with those around me and not stop to understand what was going. Imagine a grizzly bear woken up in the dead of winter grumbly, hungry, and generally disagreeable. I’m sure you’ve had those days too. The days you really want to crawl into a dark space and be left alone and yet have to function “normally.”
My general distaste for the moment oozed off me as I swung my head from side to side – clearing the way before me from obstacles and irritations with sheer attitude. The statement “woke up on the wrong side of the bed” was an understatement to the simmering tirade beneath the surface.
Now I understand it. I work with it. And I give myself permission to feel that way which magically removes much of the irritation. Instead of being angry that I’m angry and adding fuel to the fire, I soothe the frustration by acknowledging my state of being and ask how I can help myself. Ultimately, permitting myself to be exactly how I am is just the support I need.
And I give it to myself.
I can’t expect anyone around me to fill the gap because they are not having my experience. Only I truly know what I need.
The next time you struggle out of bed and begrudgingly shuffle to the bathroom, I hope you think of this musing. I hope, as nature calls, you remember to ask yourself, “How can I make things better? What do I need?”
Tune in and find a magical world of self-healing and connection. A shift. A gift.
P.S. – My day? Turned out amazing. I went from grumbly bear to at peace with acceptance and then had inspirational breakthroughs and accomplishments. It was an amazing day that turned around, completely, with a little self-care and permission to authentically be me. Always.
Ideas and Prompts:
- What is the first thing you look at in the morning? Make a note asking, “What do I need to make today better?” and post it there. This simple act of checking in helps set the day for success in self-ownership and self-care. It also means things will be a little easier because you’ve acknowledged you’re just as important as everything else around you.
- What are some ways you can incorporate self-care into your morning routine? Make a list!