Continuing on my awareness journey and self-care exploration, this weekend I decided to just stop. It wasn’t that there was anything specific in my activities. I had no desire to find something to do and fill my time up, I wanted to just stop.

Honestly, I was tired of pushing to keep the drums going and the plates spinning. Don’t get me wrong, there was plenty to do and I could have filled an entire day with my “shoulds” and loose ends, I just didn’t want to.

All week I had been forcing the issue. I’d get up, dive into my work, regardless of my desire to do or not to, and sludge through. While I’m excited about the projects being completed and have a decent part in ensuring they’re done, my heart and mind haven’t been in it. So, each morning, I’d wake, run over my appointments, look at the computer work required and decide this was going to happen, I’d make the best of what I could.

And then Friday came. I had pushed long enough. I’d made a good amount of progress, changed course here, cleaned things up there, scheduled this, scheduled that… I had achieved stuff.

I decided to take the afternoon “off”. My computer could rest. My fingers wouldn’t be flying anywhere. My brain could let go of the technical and be free to roam. I guess, in some ways, it’s like a young child in school. They’re antsy, can’t fully focus, working to do the assignments your teacher insists on and hoping the time for a recess comes soon so I can let go.

If you asked me what I did this weekend I’d have to stop and think about it. I know I ate food and a couple of friends came over… oh!  I watched a movie and the music is still stuck in my head this Monday morning. I know I was active and restive. Most importantly, I feel revived and inspired for the week to come.

I woke up with inspirations for writing and ideas for course improvement. I’m looking forward to the progress we’ll make this week and the achievements? I’m so excited.

The cool thing about just “stopping” for self-care is the acknowledgment that you truly don’t have to do anything. Giving in and saying, “no” can be the most restorative gift you can give yourself. And by extension, those around you.

Being stressed and pushed and overwhelmed leaves us stretched thin. Like a rubber band pulled to its max. There’s not much elasticity left. You want to help others and yet, there’s just no more give and you’re wearing thin. You may be more tired. Less patient. A general disagreeable attitude. Less kind and lovey with those closest to you. You keep taking things on yet… is it possible you’ll snap?

People see it. They can feel it. They may not understand it, or even care to, and yet it’s there.

Giving in.

Letting go.

Doing nothing.

No expectations of myself. The grindstone stopped. The projects shelved. A breath of life waiting to embrace me in this surprise moment. You see, it wasn’t planned. I just decided it was time. And I recognized pulling back, giving in, letting go, was the best thing I could do for ME.

As I begin wrapping this up the weekend floods back to my mind. I remember sweeping out the treehouse. A job I wished someone would do and yet had not voiced my desire, just a mental note. I wanted someone to take care of it and was a little annoyed it was a mess. I was annoyed at myself as much as anyone else. It wouldn’t take long. I just “didn’t have the time” and expected someone else to think it was as important as I did and just lovingly do it for me.

I swept it up. Because I gave myself time. Unstructured time. In stopping, I was excited to go. In resting I found joy. By connecting I found energy and desire. I filled my cup. Permission to remove the weights from my shoulders for a day or two gave me the respite I needed to pick them back up, one by one, and accomplish amazing things. And quite honestly, it feels great to take that little burr out of my saddle. I created the discontent myself and only I had the power to fix it.

My rubber band feels SO much better. And yet, even as I say this I get a sweet reminder that if I put all of those rocks back on my shoulders at once my band will just go right back to where it was. A notion of taking things one step at a time instead of all at once. Asking for assistance where I need it. Speaking up as I can. Thanking those around me for support and love.

Self-care is a conscious and intentional act towards caring for your self. It can be as simple as taking a little time to do absolutely nothing because that is the greatest gift you can give, and receive.

I hope your week is fabulous. I pray you’re taking those moments to tune in and give you exactly what you need. Most importantly, I pray your rubber bands have elasticity and you’re living the life you sincerely love and desire.

Journaling Prompts:

1. What can you do on your weekend to rejuvenate?
2. Think about the upcoming week, what excites you, what are you most looking forward to? What gets you out of bed in the morning?
3. Have you ever tried just..stopping? If not, give it a try. If yes, what was it like, and can you give yourself that gift again?