So I’ve talked about how we mirror each other. Those amazing traits I love in you also exist in me. And the reverse is true too, the things I find frustrating in you are also things I possess and have an opportunity to look at and embrace or change.
There’s a whole other side to this idea.
Years ago I was talking with a single friend. They were lonely and wishing to find a partner to experience life with and find more joy. They had been dating and were pretty disillusioned with the prospects presented. Things were sadly pointing towards a long stretch of time in singlehood just wishing.
As we talked about the challenges we moved into the desired traits of this future partner. Were there specific physical traits? Hair color, height, weight. What about history? Could they be divorced or have kids? What baggage are you willing to accept? Is there an expectation surrounding income and housing?
At one point in the discussion, they stopped, looked at me, and dumbfoundedly stated, “I have to be the kind of person the person I would want is looking for.”
They weren’t saying they needed to change themselves. Lose weight, change clothing style, dive into a mental and physical transformation. On the contrary, they realized if the focus is on the track field yet the ideal partner is on in the artist studio it’s no wonder they haven’t found each other.
This statement has stuck with me.
This beautiful simple understanding carries a huge understanding.
What I am putting out there is what will be attracted to me.
The law of attraction, so to speak.
Attract bees with honey, not vinegar.
Look into that mirror with me and see even deeper.
My actions are put out into the world. When I am looking for help and support do I put out, or reflect, a confused and insecure prayer for acceptance? Because that is what I will receive.
Or do I confidently put out the expectations and values I need most? I need to be or reflect the answer so I can find the matching question.
I need to be the kind of employer the type of employee I want is looking for.
Let’s take this a step even further.
If I am a reflection to those around me…
And those around me are a reflection to me…
Does that reflection not also show how we prefer to be treated?
I’ve attracted the best employees a boss could ever want. They watch my actions and how I treat myself. They will begin treating me exactly as I have demonstrated. And they may begin treating themselves the same way.
If I run myself into the ground trying to keep all of my balls in the air, they will see it and work to do the same. They will also continue supporting me in my drive to go, go, go. The cycle of being and reflecting to each other becomes unhealthy and stressful. Fostering a work environment expectation that can spill over into home and other relationships.
If, on the other hand, I display self-care and moments of authentic ownership, they too will, not only support me in doing so but take care of themselves. And this nurturing environment can then spill over into home and other areas of their lives.
We are constantly reflecting information. Constantly telling people how we want to be treated by our own actions and state of being. If we are needy it’s likely because we feel a deep need to be needed. If we are strong and independent, we show those around us we desire them to be so too.
So – What are you reflecting? What are you putting out there?
Do you like what you see? Or would you like to tweak a few things?
- Take a minute and think about one relationship. Family, business, social.
- What do you love about this relationship?
- What positive things are you reflecting? What positive things are the other party reflecting?
- What are you reflecting that you would like to change?
- Can you see things being reflected to you which you do not like?
- How can you foster a change in the negative so you can embrace it as a positive?
- Feel free to do this exercise with other relationships.